


Victoria's confession

by ashleighjane



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-06-03 16:22:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 26,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6617659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashleighjane/pseuds/ashleighjane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After encouragement from Nathan, Victoria attempts to confess to her part in Kate's problems. Feeling that a confession isn't enough, Victoria apologise personally to Kate, with unexpected results.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kill or be killed, that's my motto. One of them, anyway. ( The way I see it, someone has to be head bitch in charge and it might as well be me. Does it really matter if I have to damage a few egos to keep that title?). I'd have it tattooed right over my heart. That is, if I didn't think tattoos were for grotsky little bitches. Speaking of, who the fuck does that Chloe Price think she's kidding anyway? All those tattoos, and I still see right through her. I see who she is underneath. A scared little kid way out of her depth. Heart breaking, really. Not. It's quite pathetic how she pines after Rachel Amber. All those missing posters she puts up around campus? Doesn't she get it? Rachel isn't coming back. Ever.

Chloe doesn't care about Rachel anyway, not really. She just needs someone to help her fit in. You see, Chloe is what I affectionately call a social fucking outcast. She fits in in one place. Her own world. She needs people like Rachel Amber. Floaters. People who can fit in anywhere, but never enough to get attached.

Now she has Super Maxine. Maxine, never tell her I said this, is actually pretty cool. She fits in anywhere, and I don't think anyone actually hates her. Don't get me wrong. I don't like her. She's kind of weird, taking selfies all day long. It's so pathetic, and I'm pretty sure that at the end of the day she also fucks her self...ie. However, I can't deny the fact that she has this aura about her. She makes me feel like everything is going to be okay. She kind of reminds me of Rachel Amber. Just less annoying. But we're not friends.

Anyway as I was saying, Chloe needs people like Super Maxine or Rachel Amber to help her fit in. But, this isn't about Chloe, she just pisses me off.

It's about me. And Kate. Super Maxine too, I guess. Fine, Nathan it's about you as well. Can you like, not be in my personal space right now?

Sorry. Nathan seems to think writing this shitty confession will help me feel better. But right now he's being a complete ass about it, and wants to make sure I'm not writing anything slanderous about him. Like I'm going to show this to anyone. It's not even about him anyway. I think the weed has made him paranoid.

I guess I should start at the beginning. But, I don't really know where the beginning is. So, I think I might start at the end.

Yesterday, Kate Marsh nearly died. Partly because of something I did. I won't take full blame. I've been turned into a viral slut before, and I owned that shit. Kate already had problems. I just added to them.

Of all people, Maxine fucking Caulfied talked her out of it. Which means I have to be grateful to her. If Kate had of died ... I ... I'm not evil. I'm not. I just find it easier to not care about people. Don't care, and you don't get hurt. But if Kate had of jumped yesterday, I don't think I could have kept up my ice queen act. I'm barely keeping it up now, and she's still alive.

I didn't even not like Kate. She's one of the most real people at Blackwell. More real than me, but lets face it, who isn't? I just saw her kissing all those guys...and girls, and out came my camera. It's like an instinct. See something that doesn't happen every day, you record it right? I even stood and recorded her up on that roof. Who does that? I could have tried to help. But I just recorded her, when she was so fragile. When I first came to Blackwell, the whole ice queen thing really was just an act. I needed to put people in their place. I wasn't going to be walked all over. Not again. But then, as I stood watching Kate up on that roof, phone in hand, I realised it isn't an act anymore. I feel like I'm barely even human.

So, it appears I'm really bad at writing confessions. So sue me, I'm a photographer, not Dickens.

I didn't know Nathan had drugged her. (Don't even try to deny it Nathan. I have my informants.) I just thought she was wasted. Whatever happened was of her own doing. And so came "Drunk Christian Virgin Orgy". When I posted it online, I didn't think it would go viral. One thousand views, maybe. For Blackwell students only. If I had known she wasn't just drunk, I would never have posted it.

But somehow Kate's parents saw it. And a few million other people. Makes me wonder what kind of things people search for online.

I...these are all just excuses.

I was stupid. I thought my own social status was more important than...than anything.

I suppose what I want to say is sorry.

Nathan, your idea, as usual, was ridiculous. I didn't need to write this. I just need to go to Katie and say I'm sorry. She's a Christian, so she has to forgive me. Right?

Again, personal space. Please. I'm getting high just from your fumes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mention of suicide/self harm.

So, everyone's seen that journal that Maxine keeps. I have actually seen her writing in it in the middle of a conversation before. Ha, no wonder people think she's a fruitloop. God knows what Mark ... I mean Mr. Jefferson sees in her. The other day, I practically had my cleavage in his face and he still let Maxine interrupt our conversation. So stupid. 

Anyways, even though I'm not going to be flashing it around in public like Maxine, I've decided to start writing a journal too. Nathan was actually right. Writing stuff down did actually make me feel a bit better. Guess he's not as stupid as he looks. And even acts these days. I have no idea what is going on with that boy. I'm kind of scared of him right now. Not that I will ever let him know it.

I went to see Kate in hospital. It was a selfish thing to do, I know that. I went to make myself feel better, and I'm starting to think that perhaps it might have hurt Kate more than it helped her. You see this is what I do. I take action, then think about its repercussions later. If I actually thought about it first, I wouldn't do a lot of things. Like, maybe if I hadn't told Maxine to 'go fuck her selfie', she wouldn't have posted pictures of me covered in that weirdo Samuel's paint all over the social medias. Still, it was fucking funny so no regrets. I mean, I get why she takes them. If I was as pretty as her, I'd probably take selfies all damn day long too. But seriously, just stop. It's so fucking tasteless.

Yes, yes, I know. I'm way hotter than Maxine Caulfied. But just look at her. I think if you gave her a lip-gloss, she wouldn't even know what it was. She looks damn fine without any enhancements. Trust me, if she tried a bit harder I would be seriously scared for my position of head bitch in charge. I know I always look on point, but without make-up I would be a fucking mess. Maxine never looks on point, but she owns it. Oh for Satan's sake, yes I'm Jealous of Super Maxine. There. I said it. Tell anyone, especially her, and I will ruin you. I'm serious. That girl actually hates me. I can't really blame her, but she will use any ammunition against me, and I'm not going to give it to her for free.

Why am I even taking about that selfie whore? This is supposed to be about Kate. But instead it's turned into an essay about my love/hate relationship with Maxine. I make everything about me. Kate nearly killed herself. And all I've been worried about is how I would have felt if she actually did it.

God, I'm useless at writing things in any order. It's just all these thoughts keep floating about in my head. Mostly about Maxine. The line between love and hate is very thin. Right now, I'm kinda scared it's blurring for me. I mean, I can't love Maxine Caulfield even platonically. I barely even like her.

Right. That's it. I'm not speaking about her again.

Kate. This is all about Kate.

I walked into her hospital room without even knocking. It's so awful in there. So white and empty. If Kate wasn't crazy before, I'm pretty sure that room will help her get there. She has brightened it up a bit though, with those sickeningly cute pictures she draws. It was nice to see she's in a place where she can draw like that.

I didn't not knock to be rude. I was just that damn nervous, I forgot. I actually felt sick. Scared shitless she wouldn't accept my apology. Of course if she hadn't I wouldn't have let her know it bothered me. Would probably have said something along the lines of 'Fine. Whatevs. Have a nice life.', and then promptly left to have a quiet cry in a toilet cubicle.

Thank Satan that didn't actually happen. Crying in toilets is so trashy.

So yeah. I walked into her room, and sat on the chair next to her bed. Kate wouldn't look at me. She turned her head away and looked out of the window. I'm kind of glad. I didn't want her to see how fucking nervous I was. I didn't want her to see how much things had bothered me.

"Kate, I know you probably don't want to see me right now. To be honest, I don't really care. I'm here, and I'm not going until I've said what I need to say. So you might as well just listen."

"Just go away Victoria. Please. Max will be here soon." There was no infliction in Kate's voice. She sounded completely emotionless.

I scoffed. "Oh, and that scrawny little hipster will throw me out, right? I'd like to see her try."

I can't be entirely certain, but I'm almost sure that Kate held back a smile when I said this. If she did though, her following words betrayed it.

"Victoria, why do you have to be such a ... not nice?"

I have to admit that did hurt just a little. Kate may have been enough of a prude to change her words but I knew she was going to call me a bitch, for sure. I'm used to that. I get called a bitch at least five times every day. But for Kate to nearly call me a bitch? She has a good soul and I'm sure she never says anything mean about anyone. It showed me how much my actions had hurt her.

"I wasn't always. A bitch, I mean." I looked down at the floor, unable to look at Kate as I told her something that no one at Blackwell besides Nathan knew. "Before I came to Blackwell I was a nobody. Sure, I was a Chase but that doesn't mean shit when you practically take fashion tips from Maxine Caulfield and spend your spare time reading Battle Royale." I swallowed and licked my lips, suddenly feeling extremely parched. Talking about the past was something I never did, but I felt like Kate deserved to know why I act the way I do. I wanted her to know it hadn't been some kind of personal vendetta, like with Maxine, who can give as good as she gets.

"To make it worse, I was a little overweight. You know what kids are like. They see anything different to them, and they rip it to pieces. Some of the insults they came up with were inspired." I paused a moment to wipe some tears away. Thank God for waterproof mascara.

"Victoria, as much as I would love to hear your sob story, I think you should leave." said Kate, with a sigh. So much sarcasm. So not like Kate.

I started to stand, thinking that leaving would probably be for the best, but before I was halfway up I sat down again. I had a point to make, and I was going no where until I had made it. "Kate, please. Just let me finish." I never ever say please. I just take what I want. But I do believe in Karma, and I'm starting to think it's about time I start giving something back. "When I came to Blackwell, I'd sorted myself out. I lost weight. I started spending my family's money on labels rather than books and thrift store clothes. I quickly found my way up the social ladder. You don't do that by being nice. But I do know how you feel. I know how it feels to be victimized for no reason. And I am sorry for taking that video. I just never want to be the Alyssa of Blackwell Academy. Not again. I'm sorry."

After saying my piece I finally got up, smoothed out my skirt and walked towards the door. As I put my hand on the door Kate called out, stopping me in my tracks.

"Wait. I do forgive you. But please don't pretend to know how I feel. Nobody knows that." There was no anger in Kate's voice. She spoke softly. She sounded sad.

I almost ignored her. I almost turned that door handle in order to walk out with some of my dignity intact. However, I couldn't. I just could not leave that broken girl there, thinking that no one understood. I turned to look at Katie, and when I saw her wide eyes staring back at me, full of a bleakness I myself hadn't felt for so long, I started to walk towards her.

I felt like Kate's hospital room was sacred. I knew in my heart that what was said in here would never leave it's four walls. As I moved towards Kate, a little hesitantly, I pulled up my sleeves. I held out my arms in front of her so she could see the scars that no one besides Nathan knew about. "I might not know exactly how you feel, Katie, but I do know what it feels like to not want to live any more."

Kate looked horrified. I think she was just shocked that I, Victoria Chase, am not as perfect as I would like people to think.

"I never blamed you, Victoria. What you did was ... not nice. But I kind of get why you did it. And I put myself on that roof, no one else."

I nodded. "I know that, but I helped put you there. I really am sorry."

There was some small talk, but eventually I left. And who should I find but Maxine Caulfield, hovering outside the door, clearly eavesdropping. "Nosey much? How much did you hear?"

"Everything". She had a small smirk on her face. "I totally knew there was more to you than just being an uber bitch. I think it helped Kate to know that. You were kind of awesome in there, opening up like that." She sounded so excited. I don't quite understand why. I don't think anyone understands Mad Max. She's an enigma.

"Maxine, please just stop. If you ever tell any one about this, I will - please just don't tell anyone. Only Nathan knows, because he saved me. Nathan has always been my friend, even when I dressed like you and acted like Alyssa. He really isn't a bad guy. He's just in a bad place right now, and you need to cut him some slack."

"Max. Never Maxine. I won't tell a soul. But maybe you don't need to act so ... above everyone else to be popular." She looked at me for a moment, clearly processing what I had said about Nathan. "I don't know, Vicky. He seems dangerous. Kate seems pretty sure he drugged her at that Vortex party, and -"

I cut her off. "Yes, Max, I know." I said with a sigh. "I know what he did, and right now I really want to knock some sense into his thick skull. Stuff is happening with him right now that even I don't understand. I think he just needs a friend right now." I turned away, ready to leave when a thought occurred to me. "I know I don't have to be a bitch to be popular. You're proof of that, Max. I think its too late now though, don't you?"

"No I don't. And Tori, you are ... um ... hella hardcore, and if anyone every picks on you again, I'll send Chloe to beat their punk asses."

"Whatever, Maxine. It's Victoria. And please, stop trying to sound cool. It doesn't become you." I waved a hand at her over my shoulder as I walked away. "Laters. By the way, this was nice and everything, but this doesn't mean we're friends."

"Whatever, Tori." I'm so glad the selfie whore of Blackwell couldn't see my smile as I walked away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is the last chapter, but in Kate's POV :) (Again, there are mentions of suicide)

Right now, I feel like I am on top of the world. At least compared to where I was a couple of weeks ago. That could quite possibly be because the doctors have pumped me full of Prozac, but as long as it makes me feel happier I guess I can live with that.

It is actually kind of nice to be in hospital after all of that atrocious stuff that has happened at Blackwell recently. In here, none of that matters. I'm here to get better and that is all that's important. The nurses and doctors don't care that I kissed all of those people. When my aunt came in to lecture me about it they said she was ruining the healing atmosphere and had her forcibly removed. I didn't protest. She thinks that I will go to hell, but Max says that if I could possibly go to hell the rest of humanity is doomed. I'm starting to think that maybe everything isn't as simple as heaven and hell anyway.

Something really weird happened earlier. Of all people Victoria Chase came to visit me. She just marched straight in to my room looking like her usual mean self. She didn't even bother to knock. I thought she had come just to throw more abuse at me. I honestly thought she could stoop that low. Thankfully, she proved me wrong.

I didn't want to look at her, so I stared out of the window at nothing in particular. It was raining, and I kind of wished I could be out in it. The doctors said that if I continued to respond well to the medication, I could probably leave very soon. I tried not to listen to Victoria as well as not look at her, but that wasn't so easy.

"Kate, I know you probably don't want to see me right now. To be honest, I don't really care. I'm here, and I'm not going until I've said what I need to say. So you might as well just listen."

She was correct. The only person I wanted to see was Max. I thought Max was the only person who could help me. She's my only real friend. I heard that even Brooke shared that video. I don't feel like I can trust anyone apart from Max anymore. "Just go away Victoria. Please. Max will be here soon." I tried to speak as neutrally as I could, not wanting Victoria to have the satisfaction of seeing how awful her being there made me feel, as it stirred up all of those memories.

Victoria made a scoffing noise. "Oh, and that scrawny little hipster will throw me out, right? I'd like to see her try."

I almost smiled as I pictured Max trying to manhandle Victoria out of the room, but I bit the inside of my cheek and managed to hide it, I think. Being mean to Max is not okay. "Victoria, why do you have to be such a … not nice?" I almost called her a … bad word. I saw her flinch a little out of the corner of my eye, as she clearly realised what I had been about to say. I felt a little guilty, but it's not like it wasn't true.

"I wasn't always. A bitch, I mean. Before I came to Blackwell I was a nobody. Sure, I was a Chase but that doesn't mean shit when you practically take fashion tips from Maxine Caulfield and spend your spare time reading Battle Royale." I have heard about Battle Royal from Max. It sounds awfully violent, and not very Christian. Max said I probably shouldn't read it. I think she thinks I'm really naive and don't know anything about the world, but I do. I don't say anything to her though. It is kind of cute, how she tries to protect my innocent eyes from everything. "To make it worse, I was a little overweight. You know what kids are like. They see anything different to them, and they rip it to pieces. Some of the insults they came up with were inspired."

"Victoria, as much as I would love to hear your sob story, I think you should leave." I'm not usually so sarcastic, but I could not believe what I was hearing. I could not believe Victoria was actually trying to make me feel sorry for her with this clearly rehearsed rubbish. Then I happened to glance over at her, and noticed she was crying. Victoria is many things, but I don't think she's a very good actress.

My hand dropped away from the call bell, as I decided not to bring in a nurse to have Victoria removed. I decided maybe I owed it to her to hear her out. I'm sure she thinks she put me on that roof. I can't imagine how that must feel, to think that your actions pushed someone that far. The thing is, I think I was just looking for an excuse. I had been feeling low for a very long time, for no reason. Then when Victoria posted that video, it just seemed like perfect timing. I didn't see that at the time though. All I saw was a dark tunnel, with no sign of any light at the end, and I wanted out. I didn't think about who it might hurt. I just thought about my own pain. And before you say that's selfish, you try feeling your whole life has become an unsalvageable train wreck. I felt like it was my only option. Thank God for Super Max.

Victoria did start to stand, but she soon reseated herself. "Kate, please. Just let me finish. When I came to Blackwell, I'd sorted myself out. I lost weight. I started spending my family's money on labels rather than books and thrift store clothes. I quickly found my way up the social ladder. You don't do that by being nice. But I do know how you feel. I know how it feels to be victimized for no reason. And I am sorry for taking that video. I just never want to be the Alyssa of Blackwell Academy. Not again. I'm sorry."

After saying this she did get up to leave, but I had to stop her. It irked me a little that she presumed to know how I felt. I needed to let her know that. "Wait. I do forgive you. But please don't pretend to know how I feel. Nobody knows that."

I thought she was going to just leave, but after a moments hesitation she began to walk towards me as she pulled her sleeves back. Her arms were cover in scars. I could tell some of them were to large just to be from self harm. At some point in her life, Victoria Chase had tried to take her own life. I tried not to react, but I'm sure I looked either shocked or horrified or both. I never expected Victoria would ever have felt that desperate. She always seems so calm and collected. She seems so strong.

"I might not know exactly how you feel, Katie, but I do know what it feels like to not want to live any more."

"I never blamed you, Victoria. What you did was … not nice. But I kind of get why you did it. And I put myself on that roof, no one else."

As I saw Victoria's body relax, it became apparent how nervous and tense she had been. I could see how much my forgiveness meant to her. It felt good to be able to give her that peace of mind. I think she already knew really that it wasn't her fault entirely, but it was only what I thought that mattered to her.

She nodded. "I know that, but I helped put you there. I really am sorry."

For a while we just chatted, almost like we were old friends meeting for the first time in a while.

When she eventually left, I heard Victoria having an altercation with Max, who I think had been listening. She can be so nosy sometimes. I couldn't hear everything that was said, but it sounded to me like they had a bit of a bonding session. It was cute.

When Max came in I was busy wiping away tears. "Max, I think Victoria is a bit like an onion. She has many layers, and when you cut into them she makes you cry."

Max laughed. It was good to hear Max laugh. The last time I had seen her she had been holding me in her arms, crying. "Kate, you are so precious. I've missed you."

She sat down next to me, on the bed. We hugged for a while but this time there was no tears, only laughter. I'm not even sure what we were laughing at, but I think it was because we were unable to process how bizarre it was that the Ice Queen of Blackwell Academy had started to thaw. And everyone know that when you thaw something out, it never is quite the same if you re-freeze it.


	4. Chapter 4

If I had of known that Kate was going to turn into my biggest groupie ever, surpassing even Courtney, I think I would never have apologised to her. I thought that it would go back to the old days before that video when I ignored her ridiculous abstinence campaign and she ignored my even more ridiculous comments on her message board. Personally I think 'Will bang 4 Jesus' was the best.

This morning I was awoken by the oh-so-familiar ping my phone makes when somebody loves me. My room was still fairly dark, so I knew it was either raining or really early. I reached out and fumbled blindly around in the semi-darkness, trying to find my phone.

Once I had it in my hands I had to be able to squint to see the screen properly. I'm pretty much blind without my contacts. I could see it was some time around 5 o'clock in the morning. Not cool. I turned my lamp on so I could search for my glasses. It was way too early to be messing with contacts. I would probably have poked my own eyes out.

When I could finally see who had messaged me I felt angry, disappointed and also a little excited.

Angry because who wouldn't be angry about being woken up that damn early?

Disappointed because I had kind of hoped it would be either Taylor or Courtney drunk texting me so I could rip them a new one.

Excited because - I actually have no idea since Kate Marsh is probably the most boring person on this planet.

She sent some really weird messages, and I must admit she did worry me a little.

Kate: Hey Vicki. Max gave me your number. Hope that's okay. I just have a couple of questions I needed to ask you. Xx

Victoria: not Vicki. Victoria. And no, thats not fucking ok. I dont like people giving my number out. Also it's 5am. WTF?!

Kate: I don't like people posting videos of me online so I guess we're even. Why does max even have your number? Xx

Victoria: touché. Sorry. I just don't like being woken up so this better be important. And maxine has my number cos ... she just does, k? X

Kate: sorry. Didn't think. Go back to sleep I can wait. Xx

Victoria: no, no. I'm awake now so u might as well ask now. Again, it better be important! X

Kate: okay. It's important to me. I just wondered do you still feel low sometimes? I mean. .. well you know. Xx

Victoria: sometimes. But I know how to deal with it now. R u ok? Do I Need to send super maxine ur way? X

Kate; how do you deal with it? I'm fine. DON'T TELL MAX ANYTHING. Please. Xx

Victoria: I tell Nathan. We get high, I talk. Kate, what r u hiding from maxine? X

Kate: but what if you don't want to get high? And I told her I wouldn't speak to you. She's worried you might be up to something. I kind of stole your number from her phone when she was sleeping. Xx

Victoria: what?! I'm coming to see u later! Kate Marsh! U r sneaky. I love it. Why was maxine sleeping with you tho?

Kate: um, okay? Shut up Victoria. I feel so bad but I needed to contact you. And because I dosed her with prozac. Xx

Victoria; Kate! WTF?!

Kate: I was kidding. She just fell asleep. It was no big deal. Xx

Victoria: oh. Ok. C u in a few hours. And please ask your doctor to review ur meds. U r acting kinda cray cray! X

I waited a few hours before visiting Kate, since I needed time to shower and put my face on so I looked and felt somewhat like a human being.

I had to get the bus because my car was being serviced. I spent thirty minutes sitting next to some who guy who stank of piss and cigarettes.

At first I was irritated. Like, could he not take a shower? Then I realised that nobody chooses to reek and he probably couldn't take a shower. Sometimes I forget that not everybody is rich as fuck. I forget how lucky I am. Or at least how luck people say I am. Money isn't everything. Still, I hoped that after putting my nose through that hell that Kate actually needed to see me.

When I finally arrived at the hospital it was around eleven o'clock. The woman at the reception was rude as fuck, not even bothering to look up from her copy of Fifty Shades as she told me that Kate was currently only allowed visitors on alternating days. However, I was determined not to be stopped at the last hurdle.

"What would happened if you just let me anyway?" I asked lightly. As she continued reading, I pulled out my phone and snapped a picture of her.

She shrugged, not realising what I had done. "I guess I'd be reminded to check the computer data base before admitting visitors."

I smiled, probably the falsest smile of my entire life. "That doesn't sound so bad. Our of curiosity, what would happen if I showed your bosses the shot I just took of you reading porn at work?"

She lowered her book, and stared at me. I think she was trying to decide if I was bluffing or not. Victoria Chase never bluffs. My death stare must have worked, because a few moments later I was in.

This time I rapped my knuckles against Kate's already open door and said "Knock knock" before entering.

She replied softly, but I think Kate always does. I don't think I've ever heard her shout. "Come in."

I walked in with a slight bounce in my step, proud to have gotten there in one piece despite having to brave public transport.

"What was with all those weird messages this morning, Kate?" I stood at the end of Kate's bed, leaning on the bed post. This visit felt so much better than my first, and what I had thought last. I felt relaxed. I felt in control. Also, Kate was actually looking right at me.

"I ... I ... don't", Kate stammered.

"Come on, out with it." I snapped. "Believe it or not, I do have better places to be."

Kate, whose mouth had been slightly open and showing her perfect white teeth, shut her lips together tightly before looking away from me. "Well just go then" she said with a crack in her voice, after a moment of hesitation.

Damn. Me and my mouth. I walked along the side of the bed and knelt on the floor before taking hold of one of Kate's hands, which she tried to pull away. "I'm sorry. Don't be mad. Please. I guess I'm just still pissed at you for walking me up at five this morning."

Kate looked back at me, the corners of her mouth lifted slightly into a smile. "Yeah, sorry about that. Sometimes I forget not everyone is an early bird like me."

"Just don't do it again. Now, tell me everything. I didn't spend half an hour sitting next to a dud who stank of urine for nothing." Kate actually laughed a little at this, and I had to have a small chuckle herself. It was nice to hear Kate's laugh. It was so melodic. I suppose I had never heard it before because I never gave her much to laugh about.

"You're going to hate me."

"Kate, please don't decide what I'm going to do. I can make up my own mind, thanks."

"Sorry. But I acted kind of weird on purpose so that you would come and see me." Her cheeks went a little red when she said this.

"Next time just say 'Hey whore. Come see me.'"

"I ... why would I call you a ... that? Isn't that kind of mean?"

I sighed. "It's okay to call friends whores. It just ... never mind." I couldn't be bothered explaining textiquette to Kate.

"Oh. Okay." She sounded dubious and confused.

I think maybe she thought I was trying to trick her. To be honest, I can't imagine Max reacting well to being called a whore. I smirked a little as I thought about it.

"You wouldn't have come though."

The smirk fell off my face sharpish when she said this. I wonder what made her think that. I wondered why she was so desperate for me to visit anyway when she had Super Maxine to visit and look after her. "You know, I think I would have. I actually kind of like spending time with you, Katie." Before I knew what I was doing, I had leaned towards Kate and placed me lips upon hers. I placed my hands gently upon her flawless cheeks , I think to prevent her from pulling away even though she certainly wasn't resisting. It was the first time I had kissed Kate (at least when we were both clear of mind). There were no fireworks or explosions. That shit is just made up for books and movies, at least as far as I can tell. It felt nice though, and that was good enough for me. It didn't last for long though as I heard someone clear their throat behind me. I quickly pulled away and turned to look. It was Maxine, looking all judgy.

"Victoria, what the fudge?"

I resisted the urge to laugh at her school girl swearing. It's not even like Maxine doesn't swear. She was just being her geeky self. "Can I help you, Maxine? What is it? Are you upset I didn't give you time to take a picture? Such a shame."

Maxine ignored me, and stared at Kate who was blushing furiously.

"Kate, I thought I told you to keep away from Victoria. She's bad news. She's probably going to spread everywhere now that you're still willing to make out with anyone when you're sober. What were you ever thinking?" Maxine's voice was raised. She's actually kind of scary when she's angry.

"Maxine, it was me that made a move, not Kate. If you want to yell, yell at someone who'll yell back. Yell at me. Go on, I dare you."

"Max, I think you should leave." Kate spoke in the same emotionless she had used with me before. However, I wasn't done with Maxine Caulfield.

"Do you really think I would stoop that low?"

Maxine folded her arms and nodded. "Yes. I do, Victoria. I think you would do anything to keep the attention on you."

I had two options. I could be hurt of I could be angry. I think I ended up a little bit of both. I felt my hands clench into fists as I stood up. I felt my lip curl up slightly before I threw a tirade of complete and utter lies at Maxine. "You're so clever Maxine. You got it all figured out. This time Kate Marsh will be the laughing stock of Blackwell. Again. There's nothing you can do to stop me, so don't even try."

I stormed out, but couldn't resist a glance over my shoulder. Maxine was holding her hand out and looking like she was trying to shit a brick. I swear that girl has issues.

Kate looked horrified. She looked close to tears, which was awful after the laughs we had shared. The blood pumping around in my head stopped me from hearing clearly, but I saw Kate mouth form the word 'Why?'

I couldn't do it, not even to get one over on Maxine. If it was just Maxine, I would spread what had happened as fast as a wild fire. Maxine is strong. She can take anything I couldn't do it to Kate though. She is such a fragile flower. I also couldn't leave her thinking my outburst to Maxine had been true. I couldn't leave her thinking the connection we had had been fabricated in order to humiliate her even more. Before I was even down the stairs my phone was out and I was typing as fast as my stupid clumsy fingers would let me. Thank fuck for auto correct.

Victoria: Kate I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I wouldn't do that to you. Not again. Maxine just pisses me off. Don't tell Maxine. Let her worry. Stupid selfie whore :/ Promise no one will know. Don't do anything stupid. I'll come see you soon xxxx

Kate: The doctors don't even let me wear laces in my shoes. I couldn't do anything stupid if I wanted to. Max didn't p**s you off. She upset you. I don't blame you for being mad at her, but plz don't use me as ammunition against her. I won't tell her anything. I told her to leave. I don't think either of you should visit me until you've made up with each other. Sorry

Victoria: Not poss. We were never friends to begin with. C U soon. x

Kate: No. I'm serious Victoria. If you can't at least pretend to like my friends then you and I can't be friends. Max was there for me when no one else was. She has to come first. I'm sorry. I hope you work things out with her though. Actually I know you will. Victoria Chase can do anything when she puts her mind to it!

Victoria: Fine. Whatever. It's not like I'm in love with u or anything. It was just a bit of fun. See u around.

Victoria: Maxine Caulfield. U R dead. U've ruined everything. I know where u live so watch ur back.

Max: WTF Victoria? What are you talking about? And I was just looking out for Kate

Victoria: I'm talking about when I send someone to fuck you up. Don't think I won't. I know people.

P.s. Kate does NOT need protecting from ME. Meet me 2 whales 2pm. Promise I won't have a hit guy waiting. I might try to kill you myself tho!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This time we have Max's pov :)

I wasn't totally sure that I should meet Victoria at the diner. She did seem really mad and I couldn't see it achieving anything. With my rewind gone, or at least broken, I have to be really careful now. When I had it I took it for granted. If I'm honest, I did and said things I normally never would just to see what would happen, knowing I could rewind it all if I made a mistake. I abused the power and I think this was why it was taken away from me.

In the end I decided to go because I knew that if Victoria and I couldn't work things out then Kate would be the one who ended up hurt. I have no idea why after what she did, but Victoria seems to mean a lot to Kate. I think we'll have to talk that one out so I can understand. I was kind a dick, making Kate promise not to speak to Victoria. Sure, I was trying to protect her, but I should have listened to Kate first,

I was a few minutes late getting to the diner. Not having my rewind freaking sucks. Victoria was already sitting in a booth. It was the booth nearest the door. I think she chose that one so a quick escape could be made if things got too emotional. She had a murderous look on her face and I almost walked straight back out again. I knew I had to speak to her though. Without my rewind I had to face my mistakes and fix them all on my own.

I slid into the seat opposite Victoria. She glared at me, then turned her head to look out of the window. It seemed like neither of us was going to be willing to talk first. I was kinda scared to speak first in case I said the wrong thing. I think with Victoria it was a power play. Or maybe she was scared too. I doubt it.

We both watched a truck fail way badly at a parallel park before the driver gave up and screeched of down the road, leaving a cloud of smoke behind it. It was too far away for me to be sure, but I actually think it might have been Chloe. Her driving skills suck ass. I think if William was still alive he would have confiscated her truck by now.

When the truck was well and truly gone, Victoria looked over at me and sighed. She sounded tired. I'm not surprised, but she brought this shit storm on herself and deserved any and all consequences.

" We need to call a truce. I think the playground politics have gone far enough now." Victoria spoke in a business like tone, almost as though she was just getting an unpleasant job over and done with.

"Victoria, this bullshit is more than just playground politics. Somebody nearly killed themselves, in case you've forgotten. You really don't have a clue what's going on at Blackwell, do you? Nathan drugged Kate. He probably sexually assaulted her too. You spread that video like it was a big joke. Rachel Amber is missing. I don't tell Chloe, but I think she's probably dead. I thought you were different from all the other assholes in the Vortex. I think I may have been catastrophically wrong."

"Maxine, despite you obvious delusions, I'm not a Goddess. I don't control everything that happens at Blackwell. What Nathan did to Kate is not acceptable. What I did to Kate sucks. I wish could go back in time and erase it, but I can't. I made a bad call. And as for Rachel Amber, she's a whore. She probably ran off with some pimp." Victoria sounded kind of bitter when she spoke about Rachel Amber. Hmm. "Don't even try to blame me for what Kate did. I don't control everything. I wish I did, but I don't. I'm sorry if that's not good enough for you." Victoria's voice cracked as she said this and I realised I was being too hard on her. She wasn't the unfallible person she always made herself seem. She made mistakes just like everybody else. She couldn't possibly have foreseen what Kate would do. Despite my initial excitement at her showing Kate her better side, I had still been treating Victoria as though she was this evil bitch who planned everything so perfectly and had intended for Kate to try to kill herself. I was being stupid. Victoria wasn't evil. She was just careless. No, careless isn't the right word. I think deep down she does care. She's just thoughtless. I had thought she was the type of person to have a master plan. I think I was wrong. I think she actually acts on impulse, and deals with consequences later.

I could see Victoria's hands shaking as she gripped her coffee mug in both hands. She seemed so vulnerable. It reminded me of the Victoria I saw covered in paint on the steps. The real Victoria. It reminded me how at first I had comforted her, and how she was kind of nice to me. She did apologise. She took the shot of me down. But then I rewound and took a photo of her. I posted it everywhere. How is that any better than what Victoria did to Kate? I've been judging Victoria, when actually she has had every right to judge me.

But still, that didn't mean she should just be allowed to get off scot-free.

"Victoria, if anything I blame Nathan for dosing Kate. You stilled played a part in it, though. Please Victoria, just show some humanity and accept that you pushed Kate. You helped her onto that roof. Then I was left to pick up the pieces."

Victoria stared into her coffee cup. I think she thought she was going to find the answer to the universe at the bottom of it. " Every minute of every day, I think about how it was my fault Kate got on that roof. Just because I'm not an emotional wreck on the outside doesn't mean I'm not torn up with guilt. I am so sorry you had to be the one to save her, Maxine. I hate that anyone had to save her. I hate that I just stood there and recorded it. But please, stop acting like you're some kind of martyr. You took those pictures of me. How was that any better than what I did to Kate?"

I knew Victoria was right. In some ways I was no better than her. She had started it though. "I'm sorry Victoria, but you did kind of ask for that."

I saw her teeth clench and for a hot sec I thought I was going to feel her wrath, but instead a miracle happened. She smiled. "Yes, I guess I kind of did. But Maxine, go fuck your selfie. I'm so done with your drama." Victoria had a twinkle in her eye, and I could tell this was said in jest. To be fair, it had been kind of funny the first time, and now that it really was joke it was even funnier. Victoria and I both laughed for a moment, before Victoria suddenly sobered.

Max, do you think it's like fate that we are not supposed to be friends?" Victoria said sounded a bit deflated when she said this.

"We don't have to be friends, but who says we have to be enemies?"

Victoria shrugged. "Well, how the fuck should I know? Whoever makes that decision."

"That would be us, Victoria." I could hear the scorn in my own voice. "Victoria, are you drunk?"

"No", Victoria said said, a little too quickly and also with too much shock that I would suggest such a thing. She also glanced at her mug a little guiltily. "I am not drunk. You are!"

"Okay then." I couldn't quite get my head around how odd our conversation had turned, and so quickly. "I guess if there is someone making decisions for us that they don't want us to be friends."

"Then ... fuck. That's horse shit. No one makes decisions for me. If there's someone out that trying to make us be enemies, then fuck them. Let's at least try to be friends, Maxine."

Until now, I had let Victoria get away with calling me Maxine, not wanting to anger or upset her more. But now that things had taken a turn for the better, I decided it was a good time to nip that habit in the bud. "It's Max. Never Maxine."

Victoria shook her head. "No, it's Maxine. Max is something you'd call a dog. But then, I guess you are kind of my bitch, Caulfield." she said with a smirk.

"What the hell, Victoria?"

Victoria sighed. "It was a joke, Maxine. Geez." I guess that Victoria and I have totally different senses of humour.

"Oh."

"Max, I don't hate you. I never have. I think I was just jealous of you. You seem to just not give a shit what anyone thinks. I wish I could be like that. But I can't. I was judged for so long for being myself. I can't go back there."

"I do give a shit, Tori - I mean, Victoria. I give a shit about doing the right thing, even if doing the right thing makes me look like an ass."

"It's okay, you can call me Tori. If I can call you Maxine."

"Deal", I said with a laugh.

"Truce?" Victoria asked, holding out her hand.

I took Victoria's hand and shook on our truce. "Truce. You know I feel like we're in our own Battle Royale. We'll have to fight to win Kate and only one of us will be left standing."

Victoria looked at me blank;y. "The fuck are you on about, Maxine?"

"What? Battle Royale? "What's Battle Royale?" Come on, don't tell me you don't know that!? Why bother coming to a pro wrestling match, huh?"

Victoria continued to look at me blankly, but I saw the corners of her mouth quirk up into an almost smile, which she tried hard to hide. "Whatever, Maxine." she said with an overly dramatic sigh. I'm pretty sure Victoria is a closet nerd.

"So, Tori. When Kate's out of hospital in a couple of days, we're going to have one of our tea dates. Would you like to come?"

"Oh sure, I'd love to, Maxine." Victoria's voice was laced with sarcasm. "I just love being the third wheel."

I didn't get what Tori was hinting at. "What are you on about?"

Victoria sighed. She sounded very tired again, and this time I felt a little sorry for her. "You are so naive. Kate obviously is in to you more than she is me." Victoria searched through her bag and pulled out her phone which she tapped away at before holding it out to me, showing me a text from Kate. "No. I'm serious Victoria. If you can't at least pretend to like my friends then you and I can't be friends. Max was there for me when no one else was. She has to come first. I'm sorry. I hope you work things out with her though. Actually I know you will. Victoria Chase can do anything when she puts her mind to it!"

I read it through a couple of times, then smirked. "Victoria Chase, you are so naive"

"What?"

I shrugged, then stood up and gathered my belongings. "Nothing." I said mischievously

"What?" Victoria asked again, this time her voice raised to a higher octave, as her desperation to know what I knew and she didn't became more obvious.

"Au revoir, Tori." I left, using her own favourite way of saying goodbye. I have to admit, it felt great to leave Victoria Know-It-All Chase looking clueless and probably feeling hella confused.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate and Victoria have a tea date. Max is the third wheel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is written in Victoria's POV. Please remember that any opinions are those which I think Victoria would have, and not my own.

It kills me to admit it but, as much as I tried to cleanse my brain of them, Maxine's parting words wouldn't get out of my head for days. Clearly she knew something that I didn't about Kate's last text to me and I had a burning desire to know what. I didn't get how Maxine could possibly know more about relationships than I do. I doubt she has ever been in one. Then I realised that I haven't really either. Of course I have had physical ... experiences. Nathan was my first time. We were both very very drunk and I regret it greatly. It actually makes me feel nauseous to think about closest I've ever been to a relationship is Rachel Amber. I thought we had this deep connection. I've since discovered that Nathan's dealer, Frank, and that wannabe punk Chloe also thought they had a connection. Not to mention that rumor about Mark and Rachel. Wherever Rachel Amber is, she can go fuck herself. I don't for a second think that she is dead. Rachel Amber was playing games with a lot of people, and I think that her disappearance is a part of that. Not that I give a shit. I think that what she is doing is disgraceful, pretending to be missing when there's people in the world that actually are, or worse. That's why I keep tearing down the missing person flyers. She doesn't deserve the attention. 

I sent Maxine about twenty thousand texts, demanding she let me know what she had meant when she left the diner so ceremoniously. At first I made many threats, but unfortunately it seems like Maxine now knows that beneath it all, I'm just a pussy cat really. I resulted to begging in the end, but she still continued to ignore me. I wasn't used to that. I was used to Taylor and Courtney meeting my every request. Being helpless and not in control of the situation was an awful feeling, especially when it was caused by that hipster.

Two days later I finally heard from her. I had been checking my phone every five minutes all day, but had only been receiving ridiculous texts from Courtney apologising for borrowing one of my shoes and breaking the heel. Like I even care. They can be fixed. In the end, I told her that if she didn't just shut up and go and get them fixed, the next time I saw her I would ram the broken heel where the sun doesn't shine.

I sighed when I heard my phone ping with a message alert, thinking it would be Courtney again, failing to take the hint. However, when I saw Maxine's name, I couldn't help but feel excited. My heart began to beat a little faster, and I held my breath as I waited to see what the text said. When I finally saw it, I felt a little disappointed. Still no explanation. Just an address to some shitty little tea room, tomorrows date and the time of one o'clock.

Victoria: I suppose I'll see you there. But I still want an explanation. Pronto

Maxine: All will be revealed tomorrow. Muahahaha.

Victoria: Ur not funny, Maxine.

Maxine: :'(

I don't know why, but I seem to have this problem where if I like someone I'll treat them like I can't stand them. Then people I really don't like, I'm as nice as pie to. I think somewhere, I got it the wrong way round.

I liked Kate from the very moment I saw her. I didn't realise how much I like her, because back then I was still under the illusions of Rachel fucking Amber. I liked Kate because she seemed so innocent and pure, and I wished I could be too. I liked her because every morning she used to play her violin with such energy and emotion that it made me cry. I liked her because she was strong enough to be abstinent. Usually when girls claim to be abstinent, it's because they're so ugly no one wants to go near them anyway. Kate's beauty is so apparent inside and out that I don't believe for a second she wouldn't have had advances made on her every single day. If she didn't, then people in this town are blind.

I liked Kate. And that scared me. So I pushed her away, whilst earning myself serious street cred. If I had of actually hated Kate, that video would have been the best idea I ever had.

But I liked her. And my actions made her feel so desperate that she nearly jumped off that roof. If Maxine hadn't of been there, she would have.

I don't deserve to have Kate as a friend, let alone a friend with benefits. I don't know how she forgave me. Sometimes I wonder if she didn't really. Maybe it's all some good Christian bullshit. Really she hates me, but the Bible says she has to forgive me. I hope that's not true.

When I arrived at the tea room Kate and Maxine were already there, sipping teas from quaint little cups. They had their heads together, whispering about something. At the back of my mind, a little whisper said they were laughing at my expense and that everything that had happened in the past few days was just some huge prank to get revenge on me for what I had done. I can't say I didn't deserve it.

Before I sat down, I went to the bar and ordered myself a coffee. I hate tea. It's so pathetically British. This place was also really tacky. It had fake palm trees everywhere, and Native American music was playing. Nothing made any sense. Nothing matched. Anyway, isn't tea grown in like Japan or something?

Once I had my coffee, I walked on over to the Marshfield table and sat on the empty bench, facing Kate and Maxine. I simply glared at Maxine. "Hey, Kate."

"Victoria, I thought you and Max were cool now."

I shrugged. "We were. Until Maxine thought it was okay to fuck with me." I took a sip of my coffee and promptly spat it back into the mug. It was bitter, cheap instant coffee. I ran my finger along the window sill, and when it came back covered in dust I raised and eyebrow and turned my finger towards Max and Kate so that they could see. "What kind of shit hole have you brought me to?"

"We like it here" they both said at the same time.

I narrowed my eyes. "You two are creepy. You make a great couple."

Maxine shook her head and smiled. "You still don't get it, do you?"

"Get what, Maxine?"

She slid her cell across the table to me, and I read the text that it displayed. Kate: If you can't make things work with Victoria, then I don't know if we can be friends any more. I know you were there for me when no one else was but if you can even imagine how Victoria makes me feel, you will understand. I'm sorry. I know you'll work things out with her though. You have to.

I took a sharp intake of breath after I finished reading the text. "Kate Marsh, were you playing us?"

"Mhmm." Kate squeaked. "Please don't be angry. I just didn't know what to do. I didn't want to have to lose either of you." Kate looked down and began to pick at a loose thread on her trousers, something I've noticed she often does when she is feeling guilty about something.

I shook my head slowly, struggling to comprehend what could possibly have been going through Kate's head. I had thought her too innocent to try pull that kind of bull. To be honest, it was the kind of thing I would have done. The thought made my heart drop, as I wondered if Kate thought she needed to do things like that in order to win my admiration. Didn't she get that I've admired her since the moment I first set eyes on her? "Kate, I'm not angry. Who could ever be angry at you without looking like a huge ... female dog?" Oh God. Female dog? I think perhaps Kate has been influencing me. "You don't have to do things like that. Just because Maxine and I are frenemies doesn't mean we can't both like you."

Kate nodded. "I know. I just wasn't thinking straight. I promise I won't do anything like that again."

I smiled at Kate, then glared at Maxine. "As for you Maxine Caulfield, don't you dare ever pull that crap again. I've been going crazy the past couple of days trying to figure out what the hell you meant."

"Sorry Tori. I just couldn't resist."

Kate cleared her throat. "So, what's happening with us Victoria. Are we friends? More than friends?" Kate sounded as confused as I felt.

"Yeah, and what am I? The mistress?"

I glared at Maxine. "Shut up Maxine. Why are you even here?"

Maxine shrugged. "Just curious."

I sighed, and leant my forehead against the palm of my hands. "I don't even know. I've never done anything like this before. I thought Rachel Amber was just a phase."

"Rachel Amber?" Max folded her arms and smirked slightly. "I knew it!"

I shrugged. "I thought Rachel and I had something special. Turns out Frank, Chloe, Mark and half of Arcadia bay thought so too. Even Nathan."

Kate frowned slightly, clearly uncomfortable talking about the current subject, but not willing to say so outright. "What does Rachel Amber have to do with anything?" She tried to hide it, but I could hear the annoyance creeping into her voice.

"So, were you official?" Maxine, was as usual, being nosy as fuck.

"Rachel was playing a lot of people. Being official with anybody would have made things difficult for her. Honestly, I think she was just using me to gain popularity in Blackwell. Without me, she never would have been accepted so easily into the Vortex. She did, however, open me up to some new experiences."

"You mean you fucked." said Maxine bluntly.

Kate took a sharp intake of breath and let out something like a squeal. "Max!" she exclaimed.

"Maxine, don't be so gross. But yes."

"Sorry" said Maxine, looking embarrassed. "Looks like I've been spending too much time with Chloe." Maxine made a show of looking at her watch before declaring that she had to go. Something to do with homework. Yeah, right.

After Max left, Kate and I just looked at each other for a while, neither of us knowing quite what to say. Eventually, I spoke first. "This is so fucked up."

Kate nodded. "It is. I've never done anything like this before."

"You do know that Maxine and I don't really hate each other, don't you? That's just how we are with each other." I said, changing the subject rather than admit that apart from Rachel, who was never serious, I had never done anything like 'this' either. At least, not with a girl. Guys, yes. Not that it ever lasted long.

Kate sighed. "I know that. I'm not blind or stupid. It's just hard being around all that negativity, you know."

I never realised how mine and Max's feud and subsequent bickering had bothered Kate. Unfortunately, it's not something I actively pursue. It just seems to happen. "That's just how we are. Don't let it get to you Kate."

"I'll try." Kate said, though her voice was filled with doubt. "It's just, it always seems to me like there's something more between you two, under the surface."

"I'm not sure I know what you mean. You don't need to be shy with me, Kate. Just say it how it is. I have a thick skin."

"You might, but I don't" Kate said, in a whisper. "Sometimes, I feel like you and Max are more than friends. It makes me feel jealous, and I hate that. Envy is such an ugly thing, and I don't even have anything to be envious about." Kate added sugar to her tea, which must have been freezing cold, and stirred it before taking a small sip of it. She wrinkled up her nose then put the cup back on the table. My guess is Kate doesn't like cold tea much.

If Kate hadn't seemed so serious, I would have laughed at the ridiculousness of what she had said, but I managed to control myself. "Katie, I swear to God, me and Maxine are just friends. In fact, we're barely even friends. I mean, I want to like her. She just knows how to press my buttons, and I know how to press hers. If we were ever more than friends it would not be pretty, believe me."

Kate nodded. "Okay. I knew I was just being stupid."

I shook my head. "No, you weren't. I'm glad you asked so I could set it straight." Feeling thirsty, I took another sip of my coffee and managed to swallow it. Somehow, it tasted much better cold. "I need to ask you something. We keep talking about us, but what even is us? I know we kissed, but that was all me and I didn't even plan to do it. And then Maxine ruined it. I don't blame her for saying what she did. If we swapped places, I'd be suspicious too. What I want to say is that I ... I ... have all of these fucked up emotions surrounding you, and I don't know how you feel about me."

"You really aren't good at reading subtle hints, are you?" Kate inhaled deeply before letting all of that air escape her lungs again. "In case you hadn't noticed, I have a lot of fu- messed up feelings around you too. I don't know exactly what they are and I want to ignore them because they're wrong. But I can't. The more I ignore them, the worse they get."

"Kate, you're right. I'm the world's worst at reading subtle hints. I'm so used to being brutally honest, I expect everybody else to be too. Please, just tell me what you need to. It's fine."

Kate shook her head. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me. I dare you" I said with a wink.

Kate pursed her lips together and I thought she was going to clam up on me. I thought I had pushed things too far. Then she shook her head and threw her hands up in the air in an act of defeat. "Fine. Fine. I'll be honest. Brutally honest. I'm sorry Victoria. But a little bit of me does still hate you for what you did. I thought I could get over it. But it's not so easy."

"Good. You should hate me. It makes more sense than loving me." I paused and then added softly "Doesn't it?" I frowned, deep in thought. "Maybe that is what this is. They do say there's a fine line between love and hate. Maybe we're both struggling to see the difference."

Kate gasped and reached across the table, grabbing one of my hands tightly. "No. That's not true. I only said a little bit of me hates you for posting that video. The rest of me - most of me - loves you for having the guts to come and apologise. I love that you have this huge heart, but you try so hard to hide it. But there's this niggling little voice at the back of my mind. It's telling me that maybe Max was right. Maybe you do have a heart of ice. Maybe this is all just another way to embarrass me. I just have to have faith that it's not true." She squeezed my hand more tightly when she realised I was about to say something, and there was a desperate look in her eyes and a slight whine in her voice as she began to beg. "Please don't be mad. I'm sorry. You asked me to be honest, and that's the God's honest truth."

"Katie, stop feeling guilty. It's absolutely ridiculous." I won't lie. At this point in time tears were streaming from my eyes, and I didn't try to brush them away. For so long I've been one to see tears as bad things. But I think sometimes it's good to let them out. It's almost like they are able to wash all of the bad away. "I'm the one that should feel guilty. And I'm not mad. In fact, I'm glad you told me this. Now I know I'm not being paranoid when I wonder if you didn't truly forgive me. But I can live with that. I didn't expect you to forgive me. As long as more of you likes me than hates me, then I'm cool with that."

Kate reached my side of the table so fast, I'm almost sure she must have jumped over it. Before I knew it her arms were around my neck and she had planted a delicate kiss upon my cheek. "Thank you Victoria. Thank you for understanding. You're the best."

I unhooked Kate's arms from my neck and pushed her away from me a little. "Stop it Kate. Just stop it. Stop asking for my forgiveness. You did nothing wrong. Carry on like that, and so help me, I will kick your ass so hard you'll find yourself in next week."

Kate looked a little shocked for a second, like a deer in headlights, then when she realised my bark is worse than my bite she relaxed and leant her head against my shoulder.

"Victoria, do you think that maybe one day you could teach me the things that Rachel Amber taught you?"

"What things?" I raised my eyebrows when I realised what Kate meant. "Wait what? Are you sure? I didn't think that -"

Kate laughed. "I didn't think that you would be a prude."

"I'm not. I just didn't think that -"

"I'm done with the whole abstinence thing. Recently I realised that life is short, fragile and most of all strange. God gave us all life, and we should actually live it for the short while we are here. I'm not saying we should do it tonight, or even next week. Just one day, when we're both ready."

I nodded. "When we're both ready sounds like a good day."

"I was thinking that maybe tonight, we could just sleep together? I find it hard to sleep alone these days. It's a side effect of the medication. Do you think that would be okay?"

"Sure. I guess. Just ... don't let anyone see you come in my room."

"Why? You don't want people to know?" I think tried to keep her voice unaffected, but I could hear the hurt in it.

"No, I don't"

Kate shrugged. "That's fine. I get it." I could see tears swimming in her huge beautiful eyes, and new I needed to explain myself.

"Not for my sake, Katie. You really think anybody would dare cross me for having a girl in my room? Believe it or not, people at Blackwell are pretty accepting of that stuff. Besides, I'm tough enough to handle it. It's just I don't want people spreading rumours about you again, sweetie." It felt odd calling Kate sweetie. I had only ever used that term for Taylor and Courtney and had never meant it sincerely. Referring to Katie as sweetie felt totally different. I think perhaps because she really is sweet, whereas Taylor and Courtney are pretty much the most bitter bitches in Arcadia Bay.

"So, you don't think I'm tough enough to handle it?" she asked, sounding disappointed.

"I didn't say that! I just..." I gave Kate a playful shove when I saw a smile playing on her lips. "Would you please just stop? That's so annoying."

"What is?"

"Oh, please. You know what. Let's get out of here anyway. Before we catch something." I pulled a sanitizer from my bag and smothered my hands in it.

We left the tea room, arms linked, with a fresh perspective. We both knew where we stood with each other. I knew that Kate didn't quite trust me. I know she couldn't quite forgive me. But I don't mind. Leaking that video was an evil thing to do, even if I didn't foresee it's repercussions. If Kate's right, and there is a God I don't see why he is rewarding me with Kate. Something has to go wrong, doesn't it? I don't deserve this happiness. But while I have it, I am going to enjoy it. I won't throw this away, not for anything or anyone


	7. Chapter 7

Maxine: Tori, can you come to my dorm room? Please?

Victoria: No. I can't actually. I'm a little busy rn.

Maxine: Doing what? This is important!

Victoria: Wouldn't you like to know? I'm sure it is but idc. Whatever it is, your bitch Warren can help.

Maxine: Actually I wouldn't. Warren isn't my bitch. He's not my anything. Stop being a brat, Tor. I need you. Now.

Kate, who was sitting next to me on my bed, leant her head against my shoulder as she read the texts and sighed. "Victoria stop messing with Max and just go. She clearly needs you. Max wouldn't bug anyone like that if it wasn't really important. I'll still be here when you get back."

I pouted and replied in a tone that was almost whiny. "But I want to stay here with you."

"Victoria Chase, Max is your friend and she needs you. Now go."

"She's not my-"

"Go." Kate said with finality. God damn it, why is it always the quiet ones? I knew it was no use arguing with her, and besides, if Maxine really did need me I actually wanted to go. Despite my protests, I do see her as a friend. Just an annoying clingy friend.

"Fine. I'll go, but don't bother waiting for me." I tossed my phone down onto my desk. "Maxine clearly has the hots for me. Perhaps she's finally going to act upon it." I reached behind me, and grabbed the denim skirt that was draped over my chair and pulled it on, before slipping my feet into the knee high boots Kate had picked out for me on our earlier shopping trip. She even chose something with a heel. I have to admit, despite dressing like an ageing school librarian herself, she does actually have good tastes.

"Victoria, you think everyone fancies you. Unfortunately, most people here actually still hate you. They just don't show it because they're terrified of you. Me and Max are the only people in the school that actually know you have a better side. That's why we put up with your nonsense. Because when you do decide to show your nice side, it's beautiful. It's a shame you don't see it." She shook her head slowly and sighed. "But the mean, snide comments need to stop. Can't you see they hurt people?"

I got up and stalked towards the door, arms folded. To be honest, Kate's way of pointing out my faults in such a calm and rational manner pissed me off, because she was right. I didn't look at her as I walked past her to get to the door, and I was going to ignore her criticisms, but I just knew she would be staring at me with her ridiculously cute eyes, and that they would be full of hurt, and the little thing I have called a conscience stopped me. "Of course I can fucking see that, Kate. I'm not blind. It's a habit, okay? I am who I am and I can't change that in five minutes, not even for you." I said with disappointment. I wish I could change myself for her, but it's not as easy as clicking a switch. I hated admitting that I was wrong, and I felt like I was going to choke on my words as they came out. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Of course I want you to wait for me. You better be here when I get back."

Kate had stepped across the room while I was speaking, and had gently taken hold of my hand. "I know you didn't mean it. I know Victoria Chase well enough now to know her mouth works before her brain, but that doesn't mean it doesn't still smart a little."

I wanted to continue being just a little mad at Kate, but her simply caressing my hand sent so many tingles through my body that my heart just had to melt. And her eyes. Always with those fucking eyes. "I'm sorry, Katie. I'll work on it, okay?"

"Okay." She dropped my hand. "I'll work on being less whiny."

"What? I never said that you ... your whining is kind of adorable, okay? Now, I'm going to go see Maxine, before she explodes. In more ways than one."

Kate looked horrified. "Victoria! I - I" Kate's cheeks started to turn red. "You're awful."

"You love it." I said with a smirk before I headed out of my room, and along the corridor to Maxine's.

I knocked on her door and let myself in when I received no answer. Maxine was pacing up and down her room, clearly deep in thought. I cleared my throat to get her attention. As soon as Maxine saw me, she burst into tears. "Whoa, Maxine. I - what's wrong?" I had never seen Maxine upset about anything. She always seemed so bright and optimistic, even when it had been my soul mission to make her life a living hell. Before I had a chance to realise what was happening, Maxine had launched herself at me. Her arms were around my waist, and she was crying onto my shoulder. Maxine seems to have a habit of ruining my cashmere. She actually admitted to causing that paint to spill on me. So brutal, but effective. I swear, a few different life choices and Maxine could practically be me. Or I could practically be her. God, that's a depressing thought.

I don't do hugs. They feel so awkward, and I never really know quite how to respond. But seeing Maxine in such a state caused some kind of natural empathetic response to take over my body and I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close, forgetting about the cashmere. "Maxine, It'll be okay. I promise, whatever it is, I can help you fix it." I tried to sound as soothing as I could, but it didn't feel right.

"No you can't." Maxine forced out between sobs. "No one can."

"I'm Victoria fucking Chase. And you're fucking Super Max. We can do anything."

"Everything is so fucked up, Tori. I don't know what to do."

I pushed Maxine away from me, placed me hands upon her shoulders, looked her directly in her eyes gave her a shake. "Maxine, get your shit together. Sit down, calm down and tell me what the hell is wrong. Is it Warren? Nathan's been waiting for a reason to kick his ass."

After a few shuddering breaths, Maxine managed to gain control of herself. She shook her head before sitting down on her unmade bed. "No, it's not Warren."

I smoothed her duvet down and sat next to her, making sure to leave a couple of inches of space. I had been subjected to quite enough hugging for one day. "Then what is it? Just spit it out, Maxine."

"I can't Tori. It's long and complicated."

"Of course it is. Everything that Super Maxine is involved in is complicated." I said with a hint of sarcasm. "Just start at the beginning."

"Okay. So, a few days ago I had this weird vision in Jefferson's class. I was up by the light house and there was a Tornado. It was headed straight for Arcadia Bay. It threw a ship up into the lighthouse. It would have killed me, but then I woke up." Maxine's voice was a bit hoarse from crying, but at least I no longer had any trouble understanding what she was saying.

"So, you're getting all upset over a dream?"

"Just listen, please. After Jefferson's class, I went to the bathroom. Nathan came in and started talking crazy shit to himself. Then Chloe - well I didn't know it was Chloe at the time - came in. She seemed to be trying to blackmail Nathan, but he shot her."

"Maxine, stop making things up." I said slowly, accentuating every word. "Nathan did not shoot anyone. I know he's messed up, but he wouldn't do that. Seriously, you're going to get yourself into trouble with accusations like that."

"Tori. Would you just listen?" Maxine snapped. I could tell she was being deadly serious and decided to shut the hell up. "I held my hand out. It was a gut reaction like I was trying to stop the bullet. The next thing I knew, I was in Jefferson's class again. That's how I knew the answer about Louis Daguerre."

"Are you saying, correct me if I'm wrong, that you like rewound time or something?" My scepticism was very apparent in my tone.

Maxine nodded. "That's exactly what I'm saying."

"Let's pretend this is true for a moment. Why the hell are you telling me this?"

"Because soon I'm going to have to rewind time again, to fix a mistake I made. I want you to write everything I tell you in the journal I know you've been keeping. I'm going to take that journal back with me because otherwise you won't ever believe me."

"Maxine, I don't believe you right now. Do you really think a journal you could easily have forged will make me believe this bull?"

"Yes, I do."

"What exactly do you have to go back to fix?"

"I saved Chloe."

"And now you have to go back in time and not save her? Why?" I raised an eyebrow. "Let me guess. She made a move on Warren."

"Fuck. Tori. This isn't a joke. I do not like Warren. I have to not save Chloe because my saving her is what will cause the tornado. I've been messing with time, and the universe doesn't like that. If I don't let Nathan kill Chloe then the whole of Arcadia Bay will be wiped out. I think it's natures way of fixing the balance."

"But won't me writing in the journal fuck up the balance too?"

"I guess. But I figure something small like that will just cause a storm, rather than a tornado. I hope."

"And if you're wrong about that, and you let Chloe die for nothing and the tornado still happens?"

"It would be so selfish for me not to try though, wouldn't it?"

I decided not to answer that question. I think Maxine wanted me to tell her that it wasn't selfish. That she could keep Chloe. Even if I did believe what she was saying I couldn't tell her that. Chloe isn't important to anyone apart from Maxine and her own family. She's a complete waste of space. Arcadia Bay can't sacrifice itself for her, and not anyone else either. No one is worth that, not even me. I pretend like I'm hot stuff. But when I think about it I don't add anything to the world. I'm dispensable. If I'm dispensable, then Chloe Price definitely is.

"Save your best friend, or save a whole town? Very maudlin. So much melodrama. So much Maxine Caulfield. And so much crazy. I don't believe a word of this, even if you clearly do."

"You remember the day with the paint and the cashmere?" Maxine asked, doing a complete one-eighty.

"Of course I fucking do. Do you realise how much cashmere costs?"

"That was the day I found out you're not as bad as you seemed."

"Really? Because I remember being a total bitch to you, before posting about it all over the social medias." I glared at Maxine. "Then, I remember you being a complete and utter asshole about it. I still haven't forgiven you for that, you know.

"That's all you remember because I rewound and chose to take a shot of you. The first time, I apologised about the cashmere. You were actually kind of cool about it, and we had a chat about your work. I told you I thought your work is Richard Avedon-esque. You told me that he was one of your heroes. And that's okay if you don't forgive me. I don't know why I rewound when things were good. I was a ... derp."

"I've never told anyone about Richard Avedon. But you could have guessed that."

Maxine was silent for a while, I think trying to make up more crap to get me to believe her crazy.

"Kate jumped. But I was able to rewind and freeze time long enough to be able to get to her before she jumped."

"Maxine, you had better not be fucking with me."

"This is for cer - This is serious Tori. The storm is coming today. I have to do this today. I know I have to do this. I lost my powers after I saved Kate, but they came back today. That has to mean something"

"Maxine, I don't believe you for one minute, but I'm going to humour you. I'll write everything you've told me. I'll give you my journal. Then I'll see you in the psych ward tomorrow."

"This is not a joke. But to be honest Tori, it doesn't even matter if you believe me or not as long as you have written everything that has happened recently."

That's it. I've written everything important in here that's happened, and I'm now handing this over to Maxine. I don't know why I'm even going along with this. I think it was the tears. It's always the tears.

I'm going back to Kate now, to continue where we left off. Tomorrow morning I will wake up and everything will be the same, and I will know that Super Maxine has finally fucking lost it. I'm starting to think she never had it.


	8. Chapter 8

I was just applying the finishing touches to my make-up, getting ready for what was going to be the greatest Vortex party to date. Nathan had managed to score some good shit from that weirdo Frank. He is a major douche bag, but as long as he gets his money he doesn't cause us any problems. I smirked, knowing that it was going to be the party to end all parties. And I, Victoria Chase, played a vital part in making happen. For one, I wrote the invite list. Maxine Caulfield, the selfie whore of Blackwell, was definitely not getting one toe past the door. Nor Alyssa. That Goth crap is so last week. People like that would totally ruin the party vibe. I swear, she would probably just sit in the corner and read a book anyway.

As I ran the mascara applicator through my lashes one last time, trying to get rid of any clumping, someone began hammering my door so hard I thought it was going to come off the hinges. It also made me jump out of my skin and I jabbed my eyeball with the mascara. "Mother fucker." I shouted as I dropped the mascara in the shock of it all. To top it all off, I got the tacky substance all over my outfit.

I stormed over to the door, with one hand held up over my streaming eye and flung the door open. "Caulfield? What the fuck do you want?" I'm sure the look on my face must have been pretty murderous. The impaled eye I could live with, but the ruined outfit was so not cool.

"Victoria? Are you okay?" Call me crazy, but Maxine actually sounded concerned. I thought I must have been imagining things. Maxine hates me. Everyone thinks she's such a saint, but she has been such a pain in my ass ever since I met her. She thinks she's so cool with her hipster bullshit.

"Oh, like you care. Thanks to you, I nearly gouged my own eye out and this outfit is ruined. I'll be sending you the dry cleaning bill, by the way. However, I'm sure you heard The Vortex is having a party tonight. I'm not letting anything, especially you, ruin it. You're not invited, btw"

Maxine clamped her hands over her mouth as she tried to hold back a laugh. "Oh wowsers. I am sorry Tori. I do have a habit of ruining your clothes."

"What?" I snapped, having no idea what Caulfield was yammering on about. No one has a habit of ruining my clothes. No one living, anyway. "And it's Victoria." Maxine had never called me Tori before. She was acting totally whacked. She was acting like we were friends. Oh God, maybe Nathan gave her something.

"Oh, I, nothing."

"What do you want, Maxine? Because if you've come to beg for an invite to tonight's party it's not going to happen. Ever." I started to close the door, but Maxine pushed it open.

"That's the last thing I want. I know what goes on at those parties. I just want to give you something."

I held my hand out. "Then give it and go. I have an outfit to save."

Maxine rummaged in her hipster satchel then pulled out a notebook. The same notebook I had purchased a few hours before. That had to just be a coincidence. I took it from her. "What is this crap?"

"Just read it. Before the party. It has to be before the party."

"No, it doesn't. I'll read it when I feel like it. If I feel like it"

Maxine grabbed hold of my shoulders and gave me a sharp shake. Surprised, I didn't try to stop her. "No Victoria. Stop it. Drop the 'tude." Maxine was pissed. Even more pissed than when I had Taylor and Courtney TP her dorm. "There's more to you than this. This is pathetic, and I don't have time for it." Her voice had grown louder as she spoke until at the end she was practically yelling at me. No one yelled at me, ever. For some reason though, I just let her get away with it. She let go of me and sighed, seeming to calm down a bit. "Please just read it before the party. If you don't, you'll do something awful and I swear to God you will regret it."

I shrugged. To be honest she was a little terrifying, but I wasn't about to let her know it. She was obviously having some kind of psychotic breakdown. I thought she was stronger than that. "Whatever. I'll read it, if it'll get rid of you." I shut the door and this time Maxine let me.

I threw the notebook down on my bed and headed towards my wardrobe. I pulled a black dress out. You can never go wrong with the little black dress. I slipped out of the ruined outfit, then slipped into the fresh dress. I grabbed my clutch and was about to leave, when I glanced at Maxine's notebook. I was going to just forget about it, but curiosity got the better of me, and I wanted to see what had gotten Mad Max so worked up.

I perched on the edge of my bed, one leg crossed over the other, and picked up the notebook. I pulled it open to the first page and let out a gasp. I quickly flicked to the next page, and the next before slamming the book closed. The whole thing was full of words, written in my handwriting. Words that were seemingly written by me, that I had never written. Clearly Maxine had a talent for forging.

I opened the book again, and read the words properly.

It looked like Maxine has had some fantasy that her and I were kind of friends. Never gonna happen. She seems to like the idea of me and Kate...well, I won't say never to that.

But the scary thing was, I didn't get how she could possibly have written something so detailed. There was things in the notebook that she couldn't possibly have known. Even things that I didn't even realise until I read them.

My mind flicked back to Maxine's parting words. 'You'll do something awful and I swear to God you will regret it'. I can only guess that she was referring to the video I'm supposed to take of Kate getting her slut on. It seems as though that video is supposed to push Kate over the edge or something.

I didn't believe any of it for a second. It was impossible. But that video could not be leaked. It wasn't worth the risk. I might have been, but I wasn't evil. I didn't want to be responsible for anyone killing themselves. I knew what it's like to be pushed that far, and I didn't ever want to be the one doing the pushing. That would have made me a monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case it's not obvious, Maxine has rewound time to until before the party that Kate was drugged at


	9. Chapter 9

_Christ, get your shit together Chase_ , I mentally chastised myself. Why was I sitting in my room, alone, reading something that couldn't possibly be true, when I could have been out actually enjoying myself at the Vortex party? Why did Maxine Caulfield insist on constantly trying to actually destroy my life?

I tossed the journal in my waste paper bin then stood up and straightened my dress out.

I left my room with my shoulders squared and my head held high. I tried to forget everything I had read as I made my way down the hall. I tried to let the rhythmic sound of my heels tapping on the floor drown out my thoughts. I tried so hard, but failed even harder. That stupid little voice just would not stop whispering. 'What if it's all true. What will you do then? What will you do if you get to the party and Kate is there?' The answer? I had no idea.

I could hear the music from the party booming when I was still a ten minute walk away. Either the people I put in charge of music have half a brain cell between them or they were actually trying to get shut down. I leaned towards the former, seeing as it was Taylor and Courtney and they had about half a brain cell between them, and half the time didn't even use that. I really needed to re-evaluate my friends.

When I finally arrived, I scowled when I saw Taylor guarding the door. "Taylor, what do you think you're doing?" I rubbed at my temples with my finger tips, starting to develop a migraine "You're on music. I paid Stella to watch the door. You're on music with Courtney." I repeated myself, hoping that what I was saying would sink into her brain. "Can you not even follow simple instructions?"

"Well, we thought you weren't coming Victoria. So we made some executive decisions. Staying on one post all night get's kinda boring, so we decided to switch it up. That's cool? Right?"

"No, that's not cool. Do you even know what executive decisions are? Because last time I checked, no one put you in charge of anything that needs an ounce of common sense." I folded my arms and glared at Taylor. "If you want to be within a fifty mile radius of the next Vortex party, I suggest you get your skinny ass back on music right now. And play something better. I know twelve year olds that have better tastes."

"I ... we're sorry. I'll find something better, I swear."

I frowned when I saw the fear in Taylors eyes, wondering if that was who I wanted to be. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be someone who got what they wanted because people were afraid of them. "Yeah, well you'd better." I said lamely, suddenly not really caring about what music was being played.

As Taylor turned to leave I placed a hand upon her shoulder. She jumped and turned back to look at me, looking even more terrified. "Y-yes, Victoria?" she stuttered.

"Did you happen to let Kate in here?"

Taylor's eyes widened and she took a couple of steps away from me, her hands held up in front of her. "I'm so sorry Victoria. I know she wasn't on the list. But Nathan said we should let her in. I think he slipped something in her drink." When I didn't try to murder her, Taylor's expression became slightly less worried and she smirked. "I heard she's been making out with everyone. So much for all the abstinence crap."

"Taylor, you can be abstinent and still make out. She's not fucking people in there. Right?" Realising I was defending Kate I asked myself why. I barely even knew her. I couldn't afford to be losing my reputation over her. "Clearly she's a huge slut though." I added sharply.

Taylor looked slightly confused. "Well, no. But -"

"Music. Now."

Taylor nodded before running in the direction of the music booth, pushing her way through the crowds.

I entered myself, and scanned the crowds for Kate. My stomach churned as I realised her been here, possibly drugged by Nathan and apparently getting her slut on meant that Maxine quite possibly hadn't been fantasising. Either that, or she was working with Nathan to pull some kind of prank on me. That was even less likely than time travel. Nathan could stand Maxine even less than I could.

But whatever. Maxine said I was going to do something awful, which I guess meant recording Kate. I wouldn't, and then everything would be fine. Then I could get on with my life and forget about all of this.

Except if this was true, then shortly, maybe within the next couple of days Nathan was going to become a murderer. I wasn't sure I could just stand back and let that happen.

I felt a hand upon my shoulder. I turned to see who it was. Nathan. "Nathan? Get your hand off of me. Now."

His hand slid off my shoulder, and he looked hurt.

"Are you going to drug me too, Nathan?"

"What the fuck? I didn't drug anyone. Don't accuse me of shit I didn't do."

I laughed at Nathan's attempt to hide the truth from me. "You're a terrible liar. I know you think you're not because everyone is terrified of your family and don't dare to cross you. But I know you Nathan, and I know what you've done to Kate. You're an asshole."

"You don't understand. I have no choice. I did it to try to protect her. Fuck. She would never come with me if I didn't do it. I have to take her. I have to try to keep her out of the dark room."

"Nathan, you need help." I said gently. "I think maybe your medication needs adjusting.

"I'm getting help. From people I pay. So I don't need any fucking help from you. Since when do you care about bitches getting what they deserve anyway?"

I couldn't defend myself. I had always known what Nathan did at these parties. I never questioned it though because I wasn't interested. Why was I suddenly acting all morally? I think maybe because I had finally realised I had a choice. I might not be able to stop Nathan but I didn't have to agree with what he was doing. "Get the fuck away from me." I said coldly. Mostly, I just wanted to avoid answering his question.

Nathan walked away from me, sniffling. "I thought you would understand."

I wished I did understand. I wished I could help Nathan as he had once helped me. I knew he was a good guy, deep down. I couldn't help him though. I had been trying, but he wouldn't open up to me. I could only meet him half way. Sometimes I felt like I had been meeting him at three quarters and I just couldn't do it any more. Not with what I knew he was going to do.

The party sucked. Everyone else there was having such a great time, but my mind was elsewhere. I was thinking about the old world. The old world that Maxine destroyed. I bet that time I was having a lot more fun at this party.

I spotted Courtney. She had her phone out, clearly recording something. I had an awful feeling I knew what. I followed where the phone was pointing. My hunch was right. Little Miss Abstinence being not quite so abstinent.

I marched towards Courtney and tapped her on the shoulder. "What are you doing?"

"What?" Courtney asked, cupping a hand around her ear. It was damn loud, and my voice had been tested enough trying to speak to Nathan.

I somehow managed to raise my voice over then din. "Turn it off." I said, pointing at Courtney's phone. "What happens in Vortex stays in Vortex."

"Uh, no. Kate isn't in Vortex. That rule doesn't apply."

"Did you forget? I made the rules. And I say turn it off."

"You are being so uncool tonight. Did you know how upset Taylor is? You turn up hours late, and then treat us like crap when we've been busting our asses to run your party? I don't know about Taylor, but I am so done with your crap."

"Courtney. You know I love you, right?" I tried to inject a lot of sweetness into my voice, but it wasn't happening. "I was just stressed earlier. I'll straighten things out with Taylor later, okay? Just please, delete that video."

"No, I don't think I will. In fact, I think I'll upload it to Facebook. Right now."

"You can't do that."

"Uh, yes. I can. What's wrong with you anyway? Are you going soft or something?"

"No. I just ... You know what? Whatever. I don't even care. It's not my problem any more."

Suddenly not feeling the party vibe I left, running. I ran most of the way back to my dorm. However, I didn't go back to my own dorm. Without even thinking I pounded upon Maxine's door, which she answered promptly. "Tori? Are you okay? Aren't you supposed to be at the party?"

"I didn't take the video Maxine. But Courtney did. And I think she -" Spotting Maxine's laptop, I pushed past her and turned it on. I did a search for Courtney on Facebook. "She did it. It's on Facebook."

"What? Didn't you try to stop her? How many views does it have?"

"Of course I fucking did." I snapped at her. "Two thousand already. This is bad. Maxine, what do we do?"

"Sorry. Dumb question." She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I can't save anyone." She sounded so desolate when she said this, that I wondered just how many times she had tried.

"No. No. You don't get to say that. You don't get to show me everything I had and then steal it away. Just rewind. Rewind and don't tell me anything. If Kate has to die, at least don't let me know what I could have had with her."

"I can't do that. Using my rewind is what got us into this pickle in the first place."

"Fuck you, Maxine. If you're not going to help, then I'll sort this mess out myself."

"I don't think you can. I don't think fate can be changed."

"But which is fate? Kate dying, or you saving Kate?"

"Me? Do you really think I'll be in any state to save Kate? Have you forgotten what I have to let your boyfriend do?"

"Nathan is not my boyfriend. And we are not letting him do anything. Fuck this shitty town. I can't wait for it to get destroyed." I sighed. "Look, I'm sorry I came to you Max. You have your own stuff to deal with. I'll see you around." I headed towards the door "And remember, I'm Victoria. Not Tori. I'm not your friend."

"Not yet. If you actually believed me, then I think there's hope for you yet." Maxine said with a small smile. She pushed me out of the door and shut it. What the hell just happened? Nobody pushes Victoria Chase out. Especially not Maxine Caulfield.


	10. Chapter 10

I went back to my dorm after my meeting with Maxine. I sat down on the floor and leaned against my bed and let out a shuddering breath which I felt like I had been holding in for an eternity. It had been such a fucked up evening and I had literally no idea what to do about anything. There was nothing I could do. All I could do was wait. It was frustrating. I always had a plan for everything, and feeling so out of control majorly pissed me off. I removed my shoes and slung them across the room with more vigour than I meant to. The second shoe hit the wall, making a small hole in it. The walls in this place are paper thin, obviously.

Sniffling, I rubbed the back of my hands across my cheeks to wipe away the pathetic tears that my eyes had started to leak with no warning. I didn't even know why I was crying. Nothing worth crying over had even happened. Yet. Maxine had really done a number on me. I wanted to be mad at her. I wanted to hate her. But I knew, I just knew, that the journal she had given to me had been written by me. I wished I could remember everything that had happened. I wished I could be the girl who had written in that journal. But I couldn't. Those things didn't happen to me. I wasn't ever that person. I wasn't even sure I wanted to be that person. Why would I want to be the person hugging Maxine Caulfield because her whole world was tumbling down around her? I still saw her as the selfie-ho of Blackwell. However, she saw me as her friend. It had been a very long time since someone wanted to be my friend for reasons other than I fucking terrified them. It was so messed up.

 _Christ, get your shit together_ , I told myself for the second time that night. Just take of this stupid dress, wipe off your make-up and go to fucking bed. It'll all seem better in the morning.

I stood up and tried to pull down the zipper put I couldn't reach it. How was that even possible? I did the stupid thing up on my own. "Oh, just fuck it. Fuck it all." I collapsed on my bed, not caring I was still in my dress and my face was still caked in make-up. I was just so tired.

I closed my eyes, intending to fall straight to sleep. Of course, that was wishful thinking. After what felt like about twenty minutes of trying to sleep, but failing due to all of the thoughts swimming around in my head I reached over to the waste paper bin and pulled out the journal I had slung in there earlier. I turned on a lamp before flopping back onto my bed.

I felt my eyes begin to grow heavy as I read my ... her words.

I must have fallen asleep at some point because I woke up at 6:00 with the journal over my face. It's a good job no one ever comes in my room without my permission, else they would get to see what a lie my usual façade of elegance is.

For a second when I woke up, I had the blissful moment when you forget everything. You barely even remember your own name. Then it all came crashing back into my brain at once. For a while I hoped it had all been a dream, before realising the journal I was clutching in my hands disproved that theory. Shit.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by a light tapping upon the door. "Who is it?"

"It's Taylor. Can I ... Is it okay if I come in?"

"It's okay. But you better make it quick. I'm not in the mood for entertaining."

Taylor pushed the door open slowly, peeking around the frame. I thought she was checking I wasn't waiting behind the door to attack her. Once she was in the room she stood awkwardly, looking like she had something to say but was unsure how to say it.

It quickly became clear I was going to have to speak first if I was going to get rid of her any time soon. "Tay, I ... just forget about last night, okay." The apology I was going to give her wouldn't allow itself to be formed.

"Are we friends?" Taylor seemed so insecure. It was something I had rarely seen before, since her favourite pass time was bitching out people she thought beneath her such as Alyssa or Maxine.

"Have you been speaking to Courtney?" I asked, with an eyebrow quirked. "I suppose she's been running her mouth? Telling you how she's done with my crap?"

Taylor nodded. "Yes."

"So you're here to tell me that you can't be friends with me since you're joined at the hip with Tweedle Dee?" The blank look on her face told me she didn't realise that made her Tweedle Dumb.

"No, no. That's not why I'm here. I just wanted to know, were we ever friends? Or were we, I mean Courtney and I, just your groupies?"

I sighed. "What do you think?" The question came as a surprise. I thought it was always obvious that both Courtney and Taylor were using me to become more popular and for my money, and I was using them to, well, carry my bags and get me drinks. In short, they had been my slaves.

"I think I'm being stupid and sentimental and that Bitchtoria - yes, that's what we call you behind your back - isn't capable of being friends with anyone. But then last night I was thinking about that time my mum had surgery. When I told Courtney about it she told me to shut the fuck up and stop being so dramatic." Taylor's voice broke. It reminded me that underneath all the makeup and hair she was actually a human being. A human being that I had always treated like an object. "You listened, though. You actually listened, and it actually seemed like you cared. Was it just an act?"

I held my head in my hand, embarrassed for Taylor and how pathetic she was being. All the crap I gave her, and she cared about one stupid moment? She should have hated my guts, but instead she still seemed to have that stupid need for my approval. Could she not see that she didn't need it? Could she not see that she was the real deal and I was just a fraud? "That? That was real. Of course it was real. I'm not a fucking monster, though you way you shake in terror around me half the time suggests differently."

"So ... we are friends?"

"I don't know." I said, throwing my hands up in the air in frustration. "Honestly, something I think you're fucking annoying. I often get an urge to punch you in the face. But then other times I see that there's more to you than a stupid air head who can barely even spell her own name. And I would think about how nice it would be to sit and have a proper conversation with you about something other than who our next social victim is going to be."

Taylor cocked her head to one side and began to twirl her long blonde hair around one of her fingers. "I'm going to be honest, I still have no idea what this means. But I have another question. Weren't you wearing those clothes last night?"

I let out an exasperated sigh. "It means I don't hate you, and maybe we could be friends one day. Look, I thought you were just a vulture like Courtney, using me to make yourself more popular. I didn't know you actually cared about being friends. If I had, I might have tried a little harder to be nice to you." I nodded. "Yes, I was wearing this stupid mother fucking dress last night. I can't reach the zip. Could you help?"

"Sure." Courtney walked behind me and took hold of the zipper. I felt her pull on it, but the zip didn't move. "It's stuck."

"Then pull harder."

Taylor did as she was told, and was rewarded with the sound of the dress tearing. "Oh my god. Victoria, I'm so sorry. It was an accident. I'll pay to get it repaired. I'll .. I'll do your laundry for a whole month. Just please don't be mad."

I turned to face Taylor and placed both of my hands upon her shoulders and looked her straight in the eye. "Calm down. I'm not angry. It's just a dress. An ugly one at that. I mean, I look great in it but there's dresses I look better in." I let go of Taylor's shoulders. "That's one thing I never got. What exactly is it about me that terrifies you?"

"I don't know. Only that you will do anything to bring an enemy down. You could kick me out of the Vortex. You could ruin me socially. You ... you're capable of anything. You're Victoria Chase."

"I'm not sure I wan't to be her any more." I said softly. "Well, this little chat was lovely and everything, but you should leave now."

"Oh, sure." Taylor said quickly, heading for the door.

"You know, you don't always have to do everything I say. Sometimes I need someone to stand up to me and tell me I'm being a dumb whore."

"I'm confused. Is now one of those times, or should I just leave? Did you need to talk about something?"

"No, no talking." The last thing I felt like doing was talking. I couldn't tell anyone about Maxine's little trip in time. They would think I was crazy. "I'm just not sure I feel like being alone right now."

"I can stay. I don't have anything else to do today. I might pass out though. Or vomit. I think I'm still drunk."

"Cool. Whatever." I didn't want to seem desperate, or anything. I had friends other than Taylor. But then, when I stopped to think, apart from Nathan, no one in The Vortex was my friend. They were all just terrified to pretend otherwise because I was friends with Nathan.


	11. Chapter 11

The days following the party left a weird atmosphere in Blackwell. It was as if everyone was united by Kate's video, and not in a good way. Everywhere I walked people were standing in groups, heads bent over their phones. The giggling and comments such as 'I always knew that abstinence crap was bullshit.' and 'Who knew she was a bigger slut than Victoria?' made it very clear that Kate's sluttage was going viral. The worst of it was that in another time, another world even, I think I would have been making similar comments myself without a thought.

At first, I gritted my teeth and ignored them. It wasn't like it was even my business any more. I hadn't uploaded the video myself. Whatever Kate did or didn't do was not my fault. In fact, I was beginning to think that it was fate that Kate had to try to take her own life, and who was I to start messing with fate? I barely even knew Kate. I had no reason to care about the video.

I successfully managed to ignore the comments until Juliet called out to me. "Hey, Victoria! Have you seen this video?" Juliet was leaning against the wall, her head resting on it. She looked like she didn't have a care in the world and I swear there was a slight smirk on her face. Since she barely ever bothered to speak to me, it was almost like was gloating. She seemed to know that it had reason to bother me, even though there was no way.

"I don't need to see it. I was there."

"You should watch it though. It's kinda hilarious." She said with a chuckle.

"Aren't you, like, friends with Kate?"

"I was." Juliet shrugged. "But that was before I found out she's the world's biggest hypocrite. Besides, she was Dana's friend, not mine."

"Just stop spreading that video, okay?"

"Or what? I have a whole article based around this piece of gold."

"Or I'll make sure that the next video that goes viral in Blackwell has you in the starring role. You do realise Kate was drugged, don't you? I'm guessing so, since you seem to think you know everything."

"What?"

"This is where you apologise and go find an actual story for your paper. Which fyi, no one actually ever reads. "

Turning my back on Juliet, I stormed down the corridor, barging past a few groups of people as I did. I no longer heard any of their words. Everything was merging together, swimming around in my brain and giving me a major headache. However, as I continued to walk, with no particular location in mind, one conversation managed to make itself heard above all others.

"Nathan did what?"

"Shot Chloe Price in the girls bathroom. You know, that punk who got herself expelled? Blue hair, always swearing at the teachers and stuff? I think she used to hang around with the skater boys."

"Oh. Yeah, I know her. Is she okay?"

"I heard she's in intensive care. I don't know for sure though."

"Shit. What about Nathan?"

"I heard he shot himself afterwards."

"You're making stuff up again, aren't you? No way the police wouldn't be here."

"My guess is the Prescotts want this covered up. Everyone knows Sean Prescott has the cops wrapped around his little finger. Hell, he's related to half of them."

Honestly, I have no memory of the next few moments. I remember wanting to scream. I remember wanting to wake up and for the past few days to have been a crazy dream. I remember praying that really Nathan and I were holed up somewhere, high as kites, and it was all some fucked up drug induced hallucination.

What I don't remember is how or why I made my way to Maxine Caulfield.

"You have to rewind this. Now. This wasn't supposed to happen, no way. Nathan isn't meant to be dead. He can't be. I can't..." I dragged my fingers through my hair, pushing my fringe away from my eye. "Just fix this. Please." I never thought there would be a day where I would be begging Maxine Caulfield to do anything. The other way round, sure. In fact I sometimes used to fantasise about it.

"Victoria, I am so sorry it happened this way. I really am. But I can't do what you're asking me."

"Do you want me to beg? I guess I've asked for this, haven't I? Yes, I was a fucking bitch to you. I get it. You have no reason to do anything for me. But this is someone's life we're talking about." Desperate, I got down on my knees. "Go on, take a picture. Take a picture of Victoria Chase bowing down to the all powerful Maxine Caulfield. You know you want to." I said, with vehemence. I despised being in a position where Maxine held power over me. I would never have gotten down on my knees had it been for anything else, but this was for Nathan. I had to do it. "Please, Max. Please fix this."

"Oh geez." Max sighed before getting down on the floor with me. "Tori, you don't need to beg me. I have no love for Nathan, but he doesn't deserve to be dead. If I could, I'd find away to fix everything. My power's gone now though. This is how things are supposed to be."

"Oh." That was the first moment in which I realised Nathan was really gone. Up until then, I had thought it was something that could be altered. I had held on to some hope. I took in a couple of deep shaky breaths, trying to keep control of myself. It was never going to happen though. Somehow, don't ask me how, I ended up on Maxine's floor sobbing my heart out. She held me, and I just cried. I remember reading in the journal something about Maxine crying on my shoulders. I scoffed when I read it. Like I'd ever let that happen. But in that moment, I realised that everything in that journal had been true. Every thought. Every feeling. In that moment I realised that there's more to life than being queen bee in some shitty art college.

"Max, I should have helped him. I should have saved him. You know, returned the favour. I failed."

"Tori, you're not Wonder Woman. You're a teenager going to art school. I used to look at you and see this ... this cold person. i thought you didn't care about anything but yourself. For a while I thought you were the devil incarnate." Max paused, as though she didn't quite know what she was going to say next. "I should never have given you that journal. It was selfish. I just couldn't handle being the only one who knew. I'm sorry."

"Maxine, what do we do about Kate?"

"I don't know. I don't have all the answers."

"When does it happen?"

"Tomorrow."


	12. Chapter 12

I didn't write in my journal for a long time after the day of Nathan's death, and when I did I thought it would probably be for the last time. Things got very full on after that, and it took a few months for me to feel ready to write about what happened. However Maxine was right when she told me that the only way I was going to find closure and make a fresh start was by finishing what I had started.

I never really remembered much of what happened straight after my mortifying meeting with Maxine, at least not clearly. I think I went into auto-pilot. I didn't want to think about what had happened. I didn't want to know that Nathan had almost killed someone. I didn't want to know that Nathan had killed himself. I didn't want to remember that Kate, who I barely even knew but at the same time knew so well, was likely to kill herself the very next day. I think that in those moments I didn't want to even exist. I left Maxine's dorm room and walked back to mine in a daze. People called my name as I went, but I barely heard them. It was like they were a faraway dream. I suppose they had heard about Nathan and wanted to see if I was okay. Not that they really cared. I couldn't blame them.

Once I was in my own room, I collapsed on my bed and just stared at the ceiling. I have no idea how long for. Maybe hours. No thoughts really occurred. It was as though my brain was just a void. Maybe there were so many thoughts in my mind that I just couldn't process any of them. I must have fallen asleep though, because I remember a hammering on my door awakening me.

"Who is it?" I asked quietly, my head pounding.

"It's Max."

"Come in."

Maxine came in, practically bursting through the door. She was buzzing with energy, and seemed cheerful. "What the hell do you have to be so happy about?"

"I've been up all night, drinking coffee and thinking. About Kate. And Chloe. I started to think about Chloe, then I realised something hella cool. Well, kinda sucky too. I think we should focus on the good part though."

I sighed at the mention of Kate. "I'm not stupid. I know that we can't stop Kate. Wasn't the whole idea of you letting Chloe die to stop the tornado from happening? Saving Kate would make that all in vain."

"Chloe isn't dead though. Don't you see what that means? Just think about it." She shoved a paper coffee mug in my hands. "Here, drink this. It helps."

I took the coffee from Maxine, but didn't drink from it. I didn't think it would be conductive to curing my headache. I will admit, it did take me a while to understand what Maxine was getting at, but once I did my heart jumped a little as for a second it was filled with hope. "If Chloe isn't dead, it means that you saving her didn't cause the storm. It's going to happen anyway, so we can … oh." My moment of hope died down, as I realised that this also meant Arcadia Bay would be destroyed. It just kept getting better and better. "Shit." I hadn't really meant it when I said I couldn't wait for Arcadia Bay to be destroyed. It was my home.

"I know, it sucks. But let's focus on the positive stuff. We can save Kate." Maxine seemed so bright and cheerful, but I could tell that there was something that she was keeping from me.

"We can save Kate." I said softly. "And Chloe."

Maxine shrugged and looked down at the floor, hiding her face. "I don't know, Tori. She just had a major operation. The storm is in a couple of days. I don't know if we'll be able to get her to safety."

"She's alive. Focus on the positive."

Maxine nodded. "Yeah. Focus on the positive." She didn't sound like she really believed it. "You should get up. It's nearly time. If you're quick, maybe you could get there before she even makes it to the roof."

I didn't know this at the time, but Maxine later told me that my face blanched at this. I felt my heart clench, in fear. "No. I can't. I barely even know her. This has to be you."

Maxine shook her head. "I know you don't know her, yet. But I saw how happy you made her. This should be you. I think you'll do a better job than I ever could. You have a huge heart, even if you don't see it."

I laughed at this. "You're kidding, right? Do you even know me?"

"I know you better than you know yourself."

"Oh, please, stop with all the bullshit. You don't know me Maxine. The me you knew doesn't exist. I don't … I can't." My voice broke and I was overcome by tears. In front of Maxine. Again.

"Yes. You can. Tori, listen. Listen, calm down. If you really want me to, I'll stop Kate from getting on that roof. Honestly, I think things would be less complicated if it's you."

"F - fine." I stuttered out, trying to hold back my tears, which only resulted in me letting out a choked sob every couple of minutes. "Just let me … fuck, I'm a mess. I need to shower. I need to…"

"There's no time. You need to go now."

"But I -"

"Kate is a mess herself right now. I hardly think she'll notice. In fact, maybe it's best if you're not your usual perfect self.

"I'm not-"

"Just go." Maxine took hold of one of my arms and pulled me up, and shoved me towards the door. "I know you can do this."

I simply nodded, no words coming to mind. I felt sick. What if I couldn't help her? What if I made things worse? I hadn't been able to help Nathan, I thought. I couldn't let Kate down too. Or Maxine. All I had ever done my whole life was let people down. I never let it show, but I was a failure. The only thing I could do right was photography, and not one gallery was even interested in that.

As I marched towards the roof doors, I moved with purpose, determined to get there in time to stop Kate. As I moved I noticed her ahead of me, feet away from the door. No. I wasn't going to let her even go through that door. I ran, faster than I have ever ran in my life. As I ran, I thought I was going to fall flat on my face. I was never one for running, and always avoided it at all costs. I kept going though, determined.

I reached her just as her fingers touched the handle of the door and I grabbed her wrist, more tightly than I meant to. She let go of the handle, and turned her head to look at me.

"Ow. Victoria? What are you doing?" There were tears in her eyes. She looked so defeated. When I looked into those deep eyes of hers I felt that this wasn't because of the video, not entirely. She had been tired for such a long time. She just fought to stay happy for the sake of those around her.

"Where are you going?"

"Up to the roof."

"Why?"

"For air. Why do you care, anyway? Since when does Victoria Chase care what Kate Marsh does?"

"Since Victoria Chase decided that one suicide per week is plenty. Look, I understand how you're feeling."

"No you don't. Know one does."

"You feel useless. You think this is your only option. You can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. You think that your life will be like this forever. You feel like the world won't be any worse off without you. And you know what? You're right. It wouldn't. But my world would. So, I'm going to be selfish now and stop you. We are going back to your dorm room, and I have something I want to show you. If you still feel like coming up on this roof afterwards then fine, I won't stop you." I let out a long shaky breath.

"Can you let go of my wrist? You're hurting me."

I looked down at Kate's wrist and realised that my nails were digging into her skin so hard that I was beginning to draw blood. "Oh, shit." I dropped her wrist. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to … are you okay?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. How did you know that I was…"

"A little birdy told me. I decided not again. Not on my watch." I had failed Nathan. I had chosen to ignore the bullshit he had gotten himself involved in, because it was the easy route. At that moment, I decided I was not going to fail Kate too, even if it was impossibly hard.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: topics of depression and suicide are featured fairly heavily in this chapter.

I knew that a person didn't go from being suicidal to being fine. That wasn't how things worked. Outwardly a person may appear fine, but how a person looked did not always match how they felt. I of all people should have known that.

Kate didn't look fine as we walked back to the dormitories though. She had dark circles under her eyes, as though she hadn't been sleeping. Her cheeks seemed hollow as though she hadn't been eating. She didn't cry, but her eyes were shimmering. Even on the verge of tears Kate had beautiful eyes. I had never noticed before but they were so deep. They say that a person’s eyes are the windows to their soul. I never understood this until I gazed into Kate's eyes for the first time. At least for the first time in that time line. Time was such a confusing concept I tried not to think about it too much. I didn't understand how Maxine kept it all straight in her head.

Kate was a bit dazed as we strolled towards the dormitories. Once she stumbled over her own feet and I had to grab the back of her blouse to keep her from falling flat on her face. There was such a vacant look to her face that I have suspected she had taken something. It was of course possible. As long as he got his money Frank wasn't choosy about his clientele. Kate wasn't the type, but desperate people do desperate things. “Thanks”, she murmured after I saved her from a broken nose. 

We were silent for a few moments. There wasn't really much one could say after stopping someone from taking their own life.“Kate, I'm sorry about the video.” Tearing up a little, I wiped the salty liquid away. The last thing Kate needed was to see how affected I was.

“Why? You didn't post it. None of this is your fault.” 

Our footsteps slowed until we were more or less standing still. “I'm not an idiot, Katie. I kinda knew what Nathan was doing at the Vortex parties, but I didn't try to stop him. I guess I just didn't want it to be true.”

Kate started at me, eyes narrowed, as though she was processing what I had told her. “Did you say you have something to show me? Can we just get that over with?” In that moment I knew that Kate hated me. She could forgive when she believed I knew nothing about Nathan's immoralities, but once she knew that I had just been playing the fool even she couldn't find it in herself to forgive.

I gulped, then nodded. “Yes. Of course.”

Kate did not look impressed when I showed her the journal. “What is this?” She asked quietly as she skimmed the first page.

“Just read it, please. Read it and then I can explain.”

Kate read a little further, then slammed the journal shut, uncharacteristically angry. “Don't you think I've been through enough? This is just cruel. I don't know what this is, but it seems like a cruel prank. A cruel prank with your name written all over it.” She threw the journal on the floor. “I'm going back to my room.”

“Oh hell no.” With a few strides I planted my back against the door. “You're not going anywhere. Not alone.”

Kate, seemingly in disbelief, shook her head.“What do you care what I do?

I paused at this question, unsure how to answer. The person that Maxine claims I used to be could have answered that question in a heartbeat. She could have said I love you without hesitation. But I wasn't that person. I did not love Kate. I didn't know if I ever would. “I don't give a fuck what you do. But I don't want your actions on my conscience. Please just read what I gave you.”

I thought that Kate was going to argue, but she didn't. I think she was too tired to fight. She picked the journal back up and sat down on my desk chair and read, sighing every couple of pages. She didn't have any emotional reaction to what she was reading. I found myself feeling almost disappointed at that. It made me decide that in this timeline Kate and I were not even meant to be friends, let alone have the connection that it seemed we had in the timeline that Maxine decided was not to be. 

A few minutes later I could tell that Kate had finished reading everything that had been written, but she didn't say anything. “So, do you have anything to say?”

Kate sighed, again. It was strange to see Kate so defeated and tired. It was true that I barely knew the girl, but the Kate I did know had been so bright and full of life and energy. I had lost count of the times I had hammered down her dorm door at the crack of the dawn to demand she quit the violin playing so early. The music she played may have been beautiful, but it was not worth losing sleep for.

“I have nothing to say. I don’t know how you knew what I planned to do on that roof, but I didn’t think even you could stoop this low. I didn’t think you could be so cruel. I suppose I was just naive.”  
I bit my lip and looked down at the floor, the slid down the door I had been barring until I was sitting on the floor. I drew my knee up to my chest. It was my favourite position when I was stressed. I decided in that moment that what was being asked of me was just too much. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t deal with Nathan’s death as well as try to help Kate, when this time it wasn’t even really my fault she was feeling so desperate. This was all Maxine’s fault. All of it. For a second I wished she hadn’t even been born. Everyone’s life would have been so much simpler without her. However messed up, everything would have been as it was meant to be and I wouldn’t have been feeling so guilty for something that I hadn’t done, but apparently could, and would, have without intervention. “Fuck you, Maxine Caulfield.” I muttered, before looking up at Kate again. “I know it’s unbelievable. I struggled to believe it myself to begin with. The only explanation for that journal existing is what Maxine told me. She altered the timeline. She warned me not to take that video. She told me to save you.” I really couldn’t blame Kate for thinking that this was some cruel trick, fabricated to make her feel even worse than she already did following Courtney’s attempt at internet fame. That didn’t mean that Kate, or anybody else, thinking that lowly of me didn’t hurt. Which was stupid of course. The only reason that people thought that of me was because of the entitled way in which I acted. It was so stupid, I never even thought about any of this before Maxine stepped in. It didn’t ever cross my mind how my actions affected other people, and after becoming aware of that it was all I thought about and was slowly driving me insane. “If you don’t want to believe it, that’s your prerogative. I tried. None of this is my fault.” I thumped the floor with my hand, balled up into a fist. “This is so unfair.” I said, childishly. At the time I thought that it was unfair. I hadn’t even done anything, but I was the one left to clear up the mess that Courtney had caused. Really, it was karma. I was painting myself to be the victim as I always did, rather than being able to see that Kate was the real victim in the situation and giving her the support she needed. I did not and never would feel guilty for that. I had never claimed to be a saint, and I was trying to do the best I could with that I had. That was more than I had ever done in the past. I had always had a ‘not my problem’ attitude.

Still acting like a child, I crossed my arms over my knees and buried my head in them, as I no longer wanted to deal with the situation. I didn’t know how long I sat like that but when I lifted my head slightly, Kate had joined me on the floor. I gave her the smallest of smiles, which she returned.

“Can you show me?” Kate asked, a little hesitantly.

I stared at her blankly, not understanding what she was asking me to show her. She gestured toward my arms. “Oh.” I nodded. “Yes. Sure.” I pulled one sleeve back and held my arm out to Kate so that she could see the scars that I had apparently shown her, before Maxine decided that she was God.

She took hold of my arm and turned it to an angle that allowed her to see properly. I didn’t try to stop her. It was the least she deserved.

“I made those scars years ago, already planning this huge, incredibly cruel prank.” I said dryly.

“This isn’t something to joke about.” Kate spoke sharply, and dropped my arm. “But suppose it it true. Let’s say that everything in that journal did happen. It doesn’t make anything different now, does it? My parents still saw that video. There's nothing here for me anymore.” Kate had a distant look about her. I don't know where her mind was, but it was definitely elsewhere. Maybe it was off in the alternate timeline, wondering what could have been if Maxine had left things alone. Perhaps she was no longer with me because in that moment her heart and mind were so set on no longer existing in this world that they had already left. Frankly, I didn't give a damn. 

“Your parents will forgive you. Things will get better. People here will forget whenever the next humiliating video gets uploaded. You see no one actually cares. Half the people in this school don't even know who you are. You're just some girl who made out with a lot of people. The only reason anyone even cared is because you had like a billion campaigns for abstinence.” I rolled my eyes. I couldn't help it. I didn't see the point in abstinence. Life is short, why not enjoy it? I did have to admire Kate for standing up for what she believed in despite being ridiculed by nearly everyone, including me. “I'm sorry I have you so much shit about that.” I added, realising I was not being tactful at all. “To each their own.”

Kate just shrugged and made no reply. I understood. My telling Kate that things would improve wouldn't make her believe it. When someone is in that dark pit known as depression it doesn't feel like they will ever be able to crawl out. They wonder if they had ever actually been happy. They forget what being happy feels like. They wonder if they will ever feel happy again. If a person can't feel happiness then they begin to wonder if there is any point to anything; any point to life. There is only so long a person can feel that way before deciding to try to end it all. One person or even one billion people saying that everything would be okay wouldn't make an ounce of difference. I had stopped Kate. The rest would be down to her. 

I hoped that she would succeed. As she sat before me, so beautifully delicate, a small part of me hoped that Maxine hadn't fucked everything up. A small part of me hoped that Kate and had even a chance of having something together. After all we were still the same people. If we had fallen or at least been falling in love before, surely it could happen again. I wasn't sure though, if I really felt anything for Kate or if it was just a thought planted in my head from reading that Goddamn journal.


	14. Chapter 14

It seemed to be happening more and more frequently, but my thoughts were disturbed by a sharp rapping upon the door. At that moment I decided I was going to wrap the door with barbed wire. Where could I find peace and quiet if I could not even find it in my own dorm room?

At first I ignored it, not wanting to entertain any more visitors. I closed my eyes, sighed and leant my head back against the door. I was out of my depth. Since establishing my role as queen bee at Blackwell I had thought I was so great. I thought that I could control anything and anyone that life threw at me. I hadn't realised that there was a whole other world outside of Blackwell. 

The knocking continued. “What?” I snapped.

“It’s Max. Can I come in?”

“If you must. Just wait a minute.” I pushed myself up from the floor, slowly, not in any rush to see Maxine. At that time I felt that everything that was going wrong was her fault. It was her fault that I was having an existential crisis. I really didn’t want to listen to the next thing she had to throw at me. All I wanted was for Maxine to rewind again, to go back to before she ever told me about the other timeline. I wanted to just be me again, not concerned with whether I was a good person or not; not wondering whether I had any feelings for Kate. 

As I turned to open the door I noticed that someone had rearranged the pictures on my wall into an obscene gesture. I just sighed and shook my head. I didn’t know who the culprit was, and I didn’t really care. It was just petty. I did, however, decide to invest in a lock. 

I pulled the door open, slowly, stepping back to let Maxine come in. “Are you okay?” I asked, noticing that Maxine looked even worse than I felt. She had dark rings under her eyes, looking like she hadn't slept for days. She was wearing her ridiculous Jane Doe t-shirt, with the picture of a deer, which looked liked it hadn't been changed for a while. “Is Chloe okay?” I had an awful feeling that something terrible had happened. Discreetly, I crossed my fingers. I may not have liked Chloe, but I didn't want her dead.

Maxine shook her head. “No. I'm fine. Chloe’s fine. Everything's fine.” 

“You don't look fine.”

Maxine shrugged. “It's just been a rough couple of days.” She bowed her head, looking down at the ground. It was so odd to see. That was the Maxine I remembered from a few months before, when we had first started at Blackwell. She had been shy and quiet; wouldn't say boo to a ghost. Over time she had shown herself to be stronger than I thought. Instead of bowing down to me, giving in to all of my jibes, she had come out of her shell and given me as good as I gave. Secretly, I enjoyed that. She was one of the few people that dared to ever challenge me. It was refreshing. I had been starting to consider inviting her into The Vortex. But the Max I saw before me was dishevelled. She had even less confidence than when I had first met her. The sad thing was I think she still had more confidence than me. I just believed in faking it to make it.

“Maxine, that's bullshit and you know it. You're not fine. None of us are fine. This isn't just a rough couple of days. We've had our whole lives turned over. By you.” I knew it wasn't the time to be calling Max out for what she had done but part of me didn't care. I was adamant that everything was her fault. I hadn't stopped to think that perhaps if I hadn't been such a shitty person, I wouldn't have felt nearly as terrible as I did. “You had no right to mess with time. It was selfish. And then to show me what could have been just because you couldn't handle the guilt? That was shitty.”

“Victoria.” Kate said gently. “I think you should give Max a break. If all of this is true, she's been through just as much as us. I don't really know what’s going on, but it seems like Max was only trying to help.”

Maxine shook her head. “No, Tori is right.”

“It’s Victoria.” I said snidely.

“Right. Sorry. But anyway, you’re right. I should never have messed with time. No one should have that kind of power. And it was all for nothing anyway. I’m sorry.”

I shrugged, not ready to accept any kind of apology.

“Can I come in? We need to talk.”

“If I said no anyway, you’d still come in anyway, wouldn’t you?”

Max gave a slight smile. “Probably.”

“Then I guess you can come in. Just make it quick.”

She came in, and sat down on my bed. “I’ve just been to the hospital, to see Chloe.”

“Who’s Chloe?” Kate asked.

“My best friend. She’s the girl that Nathan Prescott shot.”

It was hard to hear that; to be reminded of what my best friend had done; to be reminded that he was dead. I never in a million years would have thought that Nathan could have been capable of trying to take someone else's life. I knew that everyone else thought he was, but they didn’t know him. He wasn’t a bad person, just messed up. “I'm sorry I didn't stop him.” 

“You couldn't have known what he was going to do. I'm not even sure that he knew. Chloe should have known better than to get herself involved with all of that crap anyway. There's so many people who could be blamed. Nathan, Chloe, Frank, Rachel. Even me for ever leaving Arcadia Bay. It's no one's fault, just messed up shit.”

“I guess you're right. How is Chloe doing, anyway?” 

“Shes doing great. She's awake and talking.”

“Thank God.” I breathed, relieved that Nathan’s last action on this planet hadn’t been taking the life of another human being. I knew that he wouldn’t want that. I knew he had been unwell. I hated that I hadn’t been able to do anything to help him. He didn’t want my help though. Whenever I had tried to help him he reminded me that he ‘payed people for that shit’. Really, I don’t think he listened to anyone that tried to help him. I think all he wanted was medication, which with all the empty bottles I used to find strewn around his house, I’m pretty sure he abused.

“Somehow, I don’t think God has anything to with any of this. You don’t even know half of the fucked up shit that’s been going on around here. If there’s a God, and he did this, he can eat shit and die.” She clenched her fists, clearly pissed off. She glanced over at Kate. “Sorry.”

Kate shrugged. “It’s fine. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. Besides, I’m not on such great terms with God right now.”

“Do I even want to know what else has been going on?” I asked with a sigh.

“No. You really don’t.” The haunted look in Maxine’s eyes told me that she wasn’t kidding. I decided to let it drop.

For a few moments an awkward silence filled the air. I cleared my throat, about to ask Maxine to leave if she had nothing more to say, but she interrupted before I could. “Chloe was really lucky. The bullet missed any major organs. She’s gonna be hella sore for a while, but the doctors want her to rest at home. She’s being discharged tomorrow. Joyce and David are both at work, so I told them I would take Chloe’s truck and pick her up, to save them worrying. I’m not taking her home.”

Kate frowned. “Max, what are you planning? It sounds like Chloe needs rest, not a road trip.”

“The storm. We have no idea if it still might happen. We have to start warning people, right away.”

Maxine shook her head. “No. They would never believe us, and if the storm doesn’t come, we’ll look crazy. My powers have gone now. I wanted to … I tried to stop Nathan, from hurting Chloe or himself. Nathan was messed up. He had so many toxic people in his life. I think maybe you were the only good thing, Victoria. I tried to help, but my power is gone. I think that means this is how things are supposed to be.”

“How can you defend the person that tried to kill your best friend?” I asked, tears swimming in my eyes. If it had been the other way round, and Chloe had shot Nathan, I know I wouldn’t have been so forgiving.

“I saw it happen. Nathan was hardly in control. He didn’t know what he was doing. Besides, Chloe should never have gotten herself involved with him. She does have a habit of attracting trouble.” Maxine smiled.

“Aren’t you going to warn Warren?” Kate questioned Maxine. “You two are … friends, aren’t you?”

“Why does everyone think that me and Warren are dating?” Maxine grumbled. “He’s great, but he is just a friend. I can’t save everyone from this. I’ve thought about ways that I could, but there’s just no way. Chloe was a no brainer. She will always come first, no matter what. Then you two.”

“Why me? Kate, I get. She’s innocent. You actually like Kate. But we hate each other. You might have been friends with me in some fucked up alternate reality, but I don’t even remember that. I don’t deserve this. You don’t even know me. Why, of all people, did you choose to tell me about all of this?”

“You have a good heart, even if you don’t see it.”

I shook my head. It was obvious I wasn’t going to get any sense out of Maxine about anything. She was the only person who knew everything; who remember what had happened before she rewound everything. Even she didn’t have the answers for everything. I knew that I had to stop looking for answers and just accept things for how they were.

Maxine yawned, and got up from my bed. “It’s been a long few days. I’m going to get some rest. I’ll see you two in the morning.”

*****  
Once Maxine had left I resumed my position sitting against the door, knees drawn against my chest. Kate sat down in front of me, her legs crossed, lotus position. She looked so pale, and tired. Her hair, usually so perfect, was slipping out of place. Her lips were dry and cracked. And still, she looked better than she had when i had stopped her from going up to the roof. She was also still beautiful because, unlike me her beauty came from the inside. I could see why the other me had started to fall for her. Then, I realised, I was the other me, just in different circumstances. I sighed, know that wasn’t a priority. It was just a seed that had been planted in my head by the journal. “Kate, this is wrong, isn’t it? We can’t just leave all these people here to die.”

Kate reached forward and took one of my hands, which she squeezed gently, attempting to comfort me. “You heard what Max said. There’s thing’s she isn’t telling us. I think we have to just trust her to do what is best. She wouldn’t let things happen this way if she didn’t have to. I trust her. Don’t you?”

I thought about that for a moment, unsure if I trusted the girl who only hours before I had thought simply had a screw loose. I had only truly started to believe her when she had been right about Kate. But whether or not she was crazy, I did trust that Maxine was a good person. I trust that she would never allow people to come to harm if she didn’t have to. I trust that because she had wanted to help Nathan. Nathan was an ass to her for so long. He nearly killed someone who meant a lot to her, and yet she still wanted to help him. A person that selfless would never endanger the lives of people they were friends with unless they had no other choice. “I trust her.”

“Would it be weird if I stayed here tonight?”

I hesitated.   
“I don’t want to be alone.” She said quietly.

“Yeah, it would be really fucking weird.”

“Of course. Sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.” She looked deflated. The spark that I was sure I had seen coming back into her eyes after I had led her from the roof seemed to fizzle out. I realised that I hadn’t been a super hero. I hadn’t saved Kate or cured her. Of course not. It didn’t work like that, I knew that. I knew that there was no way Kate should be alone.

“I guess you can stay. Weird is starting to become the new normal around here, anyway.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the next chapter will be the last! It will be nice to finish something I started, for once.


End file.
